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Vic Chesnutt was a prolific American songwriter. In nineteen years the man put out seventeen albums. His lyrics are brilliant and haunting. His style is brutally frank and beautifully poetic at the same time. Often a solo act, Chesnutt recorded two albums near the end of his life in collaboration with Guy Picciotto of Fugazi fame, and the band Silver Mt. Zion. At The Cut was Chesnutt's final release, save for the posthumously released Skitter on Take-Off, thus it is currently the one that popularly people are examining for any clues to the mystery that was Vic Chesnutt. I suggest we look a little deeper into what I view as the darker of the two collaborations. Here is "Everything I Say" from 2007's North Star Deserter.
"Everything I Say" by Vic Chesnutt from North Star Deserter
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rPyQFmGmb4
The album version is great, but after seeing the above video I decided I would be doing you all a great disservice if I did not use it instead. It is a high definition, fidelity, and quality video of Chesnutt with his full backup band at a house show, shot for an internet show that shows house shows, 'The Neighbors Dog'. In this video you learn that Chesnutt was a consummate entertainer. He is warm and inviting, funny, and delivers one of the most emotionally wrought performances I have ever seen.
From the outset it is obvious what a struggle it must be for Chesnutt to play, yet at the same time somehow it seems effortless. It seems so hard physically for him to play, but it does not come out in the music. I'm making a judgment that really doesn't matter aren't I? If I were to have had the chance to ask Chesnutt about it, my guess is that his answer would be something along the lines of "It's irrelevant because I don't know any other way," or "I can't change it."
The song starts with Chesnutt solo and these lyrics "The barn fell down since I saw it last." The use of the word "fell" is interesting to me. As a standard I expected "burnt," either for it's alliterative or dramatic quality. "Fell" implies something simple. It wasn't missed because of an act of God, it was time for it to happen. Our character had forgotten the barn, and when he came back it was too late. There is no blame but directly themselves for missing the barn. We continue "It's rubble now. Well, so much for the past." Nothing to show for it. Oh well. The band enters on the chorus with an incredibly thick, dark tone that just boils with torment. "Everything I say does me this way. Every little thing I say does me this way." Everything. Every little thing. I can't catch a break, but that's par for the course.
"Some call her a thief, and some call her a prophet." Who is Chesnutt talking about? Is this a person, an idea? Is it life or death? Chesnutt is known for treating such things as characters. He doesn't really give us many clues, but I'm not so sure it matters if we know the specifics of what he is speaking about. In the end we are using this simile to speak about our main character's life. "But her courage is brief. Brief as little, little Miss Muffet." This character is looked upon with either great admiration, or with petty betrayal. Either way this character has a strong edifice within the public eye, but underneath the facade is a person unable to actually be strong, someone more likely to run than stand up to a challenge.
"Everything, every little thing that I say does me this way." I talk big. I talk strong. I am uncompromising and sure, and I am betrayed by this. I might as well not say anything, because it will be torn down. The following solo interlude is big and overwhelming. Everyone is playing furiously and the solo can barely be heard. It's like shouting into the wind, it's a lost cause. And then, calm.
The final verse kicks in, but feels like a dirge, like a death march. Moving forward dismally with no hope. "She wanted to be an inventor, but nothing new was all she could muster." Complete failure. Antithesis of success. The one thing set out to do yielded absolutely no result. I can not do one thing right, but "Everything I say does me this way." I cannot win. The final chorus kicks in and somehow the group manages to make it bigger and more enveloping each time. At the end Chesnutt's voice carries out past the band strong, but frail. Like little Miss Muffet it cracks and fails as it ends and brings the song to such a sacred end that to break the silence Chesnutt cracks a joke.
I mentioned that the last two Chesnutt albums have been released posthumously. That is because Chesnutt committed suicide roughly a month after this video was filmed. Chesnutt took an overdose of muscle relaxants and, after being in a coma for a few days, passed away on December 25th, 2009. For those of you playing along at home, that brings the tally of artists on Suicide Watch Songs that have committed suicide to three. There is a song on At The Cut titled "Flirted with you all my life," in which Chesnutt is speaking about death and his history with attempting suicide. Certainly it is a good song and deserves it's place in the Chesnutt canon, but because of Chesnutt's suicide, it now has become his most popular song, as though his actions changed the meaning of the song. It worries me that people will latch on to that song and not go any deeper. I've seen it happen before. When Elliott Smith committed suicide he was in the middle of recording an album. After he died, some collaborators of his came together to finish the album. One of the songs on the album was titled "A Fond Farewell." It was the only song of Elliott Smith's that I ever heard on the radio. I heard countless "It's so sad that this guy died" remarks from DJ's that never played his music before. The fact that a great artist wrote a song about death before they died doesn't make that artist any better or any worse and it is insulting to judge them by that factor. Vic Chesnutt was an amazing dark, and deep songwriter. He had a great ability to be stark and honest without being cheap, and to link a song of his by an event that on one end of the spectrum can be called coincidence and the other inevitability cheapens the man and his work. I beg you, if you are one who came to Chesnutt through that song in particular, you owe it to him to dig a little deeper.
Well, that does it. One year of Suicide Watch Songs down, hopefully many more to come. Next time for our one year anniversary we'll take a look at the song that inspired Suicide Watch Songs. It just happens to be an Elliott Smith song, and it just happens to come from the same album as "A Fond Farewell." As always, feel free to comment here, or on the forums at Communist Day Care Center, or send me an email directly at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Passover
Greetings to you dear reader on this first day of the new year. While it is yet one more day in a string of days, I will take the opportunity to exploit the occasion and wish each and every one of you peace in your determination to change. In terms of this weblog, I resolve to diversify. Longtime readers know that my tendencies, at least for this forum, lean towards the singer/songwriter modern folk ilk. Like all New Year's Resolutions I give no guarantee on the longevity of this one, but in the spirit of the new year lets take a look at reader suggested "Passover" from Joy Division's Closer
"Passover" by Joy Division from Closer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NggH3O90o
The suggestion came from a friend, and came in the form of him handing me a vinyl copy of Closer and saying "Here, you should do something from this," or something close to that effect. That being said, I am certain I will be corrected if I am incorrect on any of the following biographical information.
Joy Division formed in the late 70's in the burgeoning post-punk scene of Manchester, England. The band would often perform at a local club called The Factory. The manager of said club, Tony Wilson, started Factory Records and signed many of the acts that played at there. Joy Division was the most successful band to come from the label, save one, but more about that later. Joy Division's singer and frontman Ian Curtis was an epileptic. In early to mid 1980 the band was finishing their second full length album and preparing for their first United States tour. The stress was causing Curtis' epilepsy to fall out of control. Curtis was known at this time to have seizures on stage. All of this led to deepen his already apparent depression, and on May 18, 1980, the day the band was to start that first U.S. Tour Ian Curtis hanged himself. The brilliantly dark and extremely influential album Closer was released posthumously the next month.
I need to take a moment to step on this other soapbox that's to the left of the one I am on. There has been a rash of band reunitings lately that has gotten on my nerves. It seems that the economically sound movement these days is to put aside all those differences you had and get the band back together. These groups always perform horribly and are nothing but a disappointment. The reason is that these groups have no option but to become caricatures of themselves. They are working from a back catalog that at one time was culturally relevant, but is no longer. The band inevitably ends up performing music that they played many years prior, pretending that they are that many years younger, imagining that their music was going to have some kind of impact in the same way it did before. Art of all forms is as much about it's cultural context as it is of it's content. What good is expression without reason to express? Why must people try to fix their own art? At this point I must draw us back to Joy Division. After Curtis' suicide, the band formed as a separate entity, New Order. They did not continue on as Joy Division. While one could say that Joy Division has become the more culturally important and influential band, it should be noted that New Order went on to be much more successful than Joy Division ever was. New Order made the decision to move forward, not live in the past.
"Passover" opens with drums soaked in the cave reverb that is quintessential to the genre. After a few bars the bass and guitar come in. As a melodical whole, the song recycles the same content continuously. The background as a whole could be looked at essentially as an ostinato that thickens and gets nastier as the lyrical theme unfurls. The guitar enters with a simple descending line from which it will build most of it's other material. The bass is key, yet very much in the background, sometimes playing root notes, sometimes a melodic lick, and sometimes nothing at all.
All falls away as Curtis enters with his deep voice for the song's first verse. "This is a crisis I knew had to come, destroying the balance I kept, Doubting, unsettling and turning around, wondering what will come next." Our protagonist has been waiting for this. At some point a decision was made, a situation entered, or a fact ignored that set this timeline into motion. All of this could have been avoided, but our storyteller decided to move forward anyway. Curtis continues "Is this the role that you wanted to live? I was foolish to ask for so much. Without the protection and infancy's guard, it all falls apart at first touch." It was a chance to live better. Our protagonist was striving to survive at a higher level than afforded him. Infancy's guard was when he could straddle both worlds, return if need be. Maybe this was something he did many times, but one must make the plunge eventually. Whatever protection he had must have been eaten up while protecting him, and now his situation is as precarious as a house of cards. He is just waiting for it to topple.
We are interluded by the familiar descending guitar lick, though it is a little more dissonant than before. Once again it falls by the wayside as Curtis enters. "Watching the reel as it comes to a close, brutally taking it's time." We see it coming. "People who change for no reason at all, it's happening all of the time." Our protagonist feels betrayed, but not by one person, not the person that set this in motion. Our protagonist knows in his heart that the whole situation is his fault. The protagonist feels betrayed by everyone, the entire world. He trusts no one and expects everyone to change on him. "Can I go on with this chain of events disturbing and purging my mind? Back out of my duties when all's said and done? I know that I'll lose every time." There is no good answer. If I act, I lose. If I don't, I lose.
The interlude between verses is a little thicker and holds more tension than before. "Moving along in our God given ways, safety is sat by the fire." The gears are turning and there is no way out but straight on. "Sanctuary from these feverish smiles left with a mark on the door." Things are bad and they will get worse, but for the moment I am protected. "Is this the gift that I wanted to give? Forgive and forget's what they teach, or pass through the deserts once more, and watch as they drop by the beach." Our protagonists world has fallen down around him, but by some good grace he has been spared. He wonders however, if perishing would have been better. The gift he wanted to give was that of a better life, what he was able to give was an idea of what that kind of life was just in time to make life worse than it was before. Our protagonists life is now an endless trip through the desert instead of an endless vacation.
The song ends with a recap of the first verse, ending this time with "Turning around to the next set of lives, wondering what will come next." We are left as stark and empty as our protagonist, left with nothing, with no expectations, and waiting for the next wave to wash over him.
Passover as a religious holiday commemorates the Exodus of the Israelite from Egypt, and the passing over of their households during the plagues. It was the start of a long and hard journey to find one's place in the world. Our protagonist in this song thought they had found it, but they have been turned back into the desert. They don't have a place in this world. Where as in the Jewish history, passover means the protection of God, in our story it means to be looked at and told you're not good enough, to be passed over.
As always feel free to comment or suggest, comment, criticize, or berate in the comments below, the forum at Communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum or by email at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
"Passover" by Joy Division from Closer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NggH3O90o
The suggestion came from a friend, and came in the form of him handing me a vinyl copy of Closer and saying "Here, you should do something from this," or something close to that effect. That being said, I am certain I will be corrected if I am incorrect on any of the following biographical information.
Joy Division formed in the late 70's in the burgeoning post-punk scene of Manchester, England. The band would often perform at a local club called The Factory. The manager of said club, Tony Wilson, started Factory Records and signed many of the acts that played at there. Joy Division was the most successful band to come from the label, save one, but more about that later. Joy Division's singer and frontman Ian Curtis was an epileptic. In early to mid 1980 the band was finishing their second full length album and preparing for their first United States tour. The stress was causing Curtis' epilepsy to fall out of control. Curtis was known at this time to have seizures on stage. All of this led to deepen his already apparent depression, and on May 18, 1980, the day the band was to start that first U.S. Tour Ian Curtis hanged himself. The brilliantly dark and extremely influential album Closer was released posthumously the next month.
I need to take a moment to step on this other soapbox that's to the left of the one I am on. There has been a rash of band reunitings lately that has gotten on my nerves. It seems that the economically sound movement these days is to put aside all those differences you had and get the band back together. These groups always perform horribly and are nothing but a disappointment. The reason is that these groups have no option but to become caricatures of themselves. They are working from a back catalog that at one time was culturally relevant, but is no longer. The band inevitably ends up performing music that they played many years prior, pretending that they are that many years younger, imagining that their music was going to have some kind of impact in the same way it did before. Art of all forms is as much about it's cultural context as it is of it's content. What good is expression without reason to express? Why must people try to fix their own art? At this point I must draw us back to Joy Division. After Curtis' suicide, the band formed as a separate entity, New Order. They did not continue on as Joy Division. While one could say that Joy Division has become the more culturally important and influential band, it should be noted that New Order went on to be much more successful than Joy Division ever was. New Order made the decision to move forward, not live in the past.
"Passover" opens with drums soaked in the cave reverb that is quintessential to the genre. After a few bars the bass and guitar come in. As a melodical whole, the song recycles the same content continuously. The background as a whole could be looked at essentially as an ostinato that thickens and gets nastier as the lyrical theme unfurls. The guitar enters with a simple descending line from which it will build most of it's other material. The bass is key, yet very much in the background, sometimes playing root notes, sometimes a melodic lick, and sometimes nothing at all.
All falls away as Curtis enters with his deep voice for the song's first verse. "This is a crisis I knew had to come, destroying the balance I kept, Doubting, unsettling and turning around, wondering what will come next." Our protagonist has been waiting for this. At some point a decision was made, a situation entered, or a fact ignored that set this timeline into motion. All of this could have been avoided, but our storyteller decided to move forward anyway. Curtis continues "Is this the role that you wanted to live? I was foolish to ask for so much. Without the protection and infancy's guard, it all falls apart at first touch." It was a chance to live better. Our protagonist was striving to survive at a higher level than afforded him. Infancy's guard was when he could straddle both worlds, return if need be. Maybe this was something he did many times, but one must make the plunge eventually. Whatever protection he had must have been eaten up while protecting him, and now his situation is as precarious as a house of cards. He is just waiting for it to topple.
We are interluded by the familiar descending guitar lick, though it is a little more dissonant than before. Once again it falls by the wayside as Curtis enters. "Watching the reel as it comes to a close, brutally taking it's time." We see it coming. "People who change for no reason at all, it's happening all of the time." Our protagonist feels betrayed, but not by one person, not the person that set this in motion. Our protagonist knows in his heart that the whole situation is his fault. The protagonist feels betrayed by everyone, the entire world. He trusts no one and expects everyone to change on him. "Can I go on with this chain of events disturbing and purging my mind? Back out of my duties when all's said and done? I know that I'll lose every time." There is no good answer. If I act, I lose. If I don't, I lose.
The interlude between verses is a little thicker and holds more tension than before. "Moving along in our God given ways, safety is sat by the fire." The gears are turning and there is no way out but straight on. "Sanctuary from these feverish smiles left with a mark on the door." Things are bad and they will get worse, but for the moment I am protected. "Is this the gift that I wanted to give? Forgive and forget's what they teach, or pass through the deserts once more, and watch as they drop by the beach." Our protagonists world has fallen down around him, but by some good grace he has been spared. He wonders however, if perishing would have been better. The gift he wanted to give was that of a better life, what he was able to give was an idea of what that kind of life was just in time to make life worse than it was before. Our protagonists life is now an endless trip through the desert instead of an endless vacation.
The song ends with a recap of the first verse, ending this time with "Turning around to the next set of lives, wondering what will come next." We are left as stark and empty as our protagonist, left with nothing, with no expectations, and waiting for the next wave to wash over him.
Passover as a religious holiday commemorates the Exodus of the Israelite from Egypt, and the passing over of their households during the plagues. It was the start of a long and hard journey to find one's place in the world. Our protagonist in this song thought they had found it, but they have been turned back into the desert. They don't have a place in this world. Where as in the Jewish history, passover means the protection of God, in our story it means to be looked at and told you're not good enough, to be passed over.
As always feel free to comment or suggest, comment, criticize, or berate in the comments below, the forum at Communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum or by email at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well
Here it is, the end of the calender year. Suicide Watch Songs is a short two months of being a year old. As I write this, my area is experiencing it's first significant snowfall of the season, something I could never trade for a million sunny southern days. It's a magical time for me, a happy time. It's one of many facets of life that work backwards for me. I like the cold and snow more than warmth and sun. I also like depressing songs more than uplifting ones. Happy music without tension or accomplishment drains me and depresses me like no other. Sad songs, on the other hand, fill me up like fuel. They keep me going like nothing else can.
Mike Doughty is someone who's music I have wanted to write about for quite a while. He was the founder and destroyer of Soul Coughing, an amazing vision into what hip-hop could have been, a more direct descendant of beat poetry. Not that hip-hop should be anything other than what it is, but, well check it out, you'll see what I mean. After beating his addiction to heroin, Doughty continued to tour as a solo act. I had the chance to see him many years back and he ranks in my head as the most entertaining solo performer I have ever seen. For instance, during the entire show there are a group of hardcore fans (I was new to Doughty's work at this time) yelling for a song called "FIRE TRUCK!" The whole night Doughty keeps putting it off telling us that we weren't ready for it yet. Then I get this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byi2gkoEKwU , or something close to it. You can tell from this short clip how well he understands entertainment, how he is able to create tension in a few mere seconds as you're waiting for the payoff.
At the end of the show Doughty said "In five minutes I'm going to sit down right here at the edge of the stage and sell copies of my album for five dollars. I hope you come up and buy one because all of the proceeds are going directly into my gas tank." The album Skittish had no distributor, and this was pre-iTunes, so the only way to get the album legally was to buy it directly from him. When I bought mine I told him "I'm glad I finally get to buy a copy of this." "What'd you download it?" "A friend burned it for me." He signed the paper case that holds a CD-R very similar to the one I already had and hands it to me, "Eh, get out of here."
So why wait so long to tackle a Doughty song? Well, I cover hopeless, desperate music, and while Doughty's music may be desperate, it is full of hope. I mean boiling over with hope. All his characters are reaching up, and reaching out, and moving forward. They are not stagnant in their own drive. So today we are going to do something different, we are going to take a look at the lead off track from Mike Doughty's third album Haughty Melodic
"Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well", by Mike Doughty, from Haughty Melodic
This is Haughty Melodic's lead off track, and the first thing you notice if you're a long time Doughty listener is the change in production. Doughty's work previous to this album was very thin in texture, usually not more than an acoustic guitar and vocals. Here we have multiple guitar tracks, full drum kit, bass, keys, percussion, and sax. It's quite a leap from what we're accustomed.
Our first verse is a longing daydream. "That Cuban girl that brought me low, she had that skin so fine and red lips rose like now. Her mouth was wide and sweet as well, but now relentless hours a'dreaming of her smell." Yeah. There is no better way to phrase that. It is followed by the title of the song in chorus form. "I feel as if I am looking at the world from the bottom of a well." I am separate. I am not part of the world, only moving through it, and I am distanced from that world. I am trapped and subject to stay that way without help, and thus even if I wanted to climb out, I can't.
And yet, a ray of hope. "Lonely, and the only way to beat it is to bat it down," repeated many times. You have to keep going, because, well, simple and poignant, the only way to beat it is to bat it down.
"Oh all the days that I have run I sought to lose that cloud that's blacking out the sun. My train will come some one day soon and when it comes I'll ride it bound from night to noon." I love the imagery of that line. Often people use the allegory of a train. While they are nearly nonexistent to the average American today, the symbolism of the train is something that is pervasive in American culture. So much so that it's usage can mean many things. A train is big, and powerful, and constantly moving. Trains take you away from places you need to leave. You have to wait for a train and thus it is something to build anticipation. Don't forget also that one cannot stand still on a moving train, and do your best to avoid train wrecks. Yet the beauty of that line is not the train, but it's destination. Doughty is riding a train that is departing night to arrive at noon. They are not times, but places. The train Doughty is waiting for picks one up in darkness and drops them off at light.
After another chorus we fall into a bridge, and a slight return to reality. "Aimless days, uncool ways of decathecting." To withdraw one's feelings of attachment from a person, idea, or object. "Painless phase, blacked out thoughts you'll be rejecting." From which we breakdown once again to "Lonely, and the only way to beat it is to bat it down." Keep going.
"Well let's get down, to business now ..."
and then the full on, full texture, everyone blasting last chorus, guitar solo, and dissolve.
And there you have it, a mention of hope. So, on to something more serious.
Did you know that it is false that there are more suicides in the cold weather months and around holidays? Studies show that suicide rates are highest in the springtime. I am certainly no expert, but no matter how detached we feel, we tend to spend more time with our loved ones during this season. We tend to lean on each other to get through it. Even those with very few in our lives lean heavy on our friends and acquaintances. I mentioned that sad music is the stuff that keeps me going, which is absolutely true. In writing about what I do, I do not mean to make light of a such a serious subject. As I mentioned, this kind of music keeps me moving forward in my life and has helped greatly in pulling me out of my darkest depths. I write not only because I enjoy it, but also because I hope there are some that share this viewpoint. Those of you that have had someone close to you commit suicide, a group of which I am a member, know that there are no words to describe how hard and perplexing of a situation one is left in. If you have any doubt about anyone, reach out. Maybe it doesn't matter much, but let those around you know that someone cares, that someone will listen, that they are not alone. I'm not saying, nor do I believe that we can fix each others problems, but I know that harm can come from letting people know you care.
And hey, if you're looking for a charity to give to this holiday season, look up Hopeline/1-800-Suicide, or buy a Post-Secret book! If you are unaware of Post-Secret, you definitely need to check them out. It is an ongoing non-profit community art project wherein people mail in secrets anonymously on a postcard and any money they generate goes to helping out Hopeline.
As always suggest, comment, and berate either on this page, on this page, or email suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Mike Doughty is someone who's music I have wanted to write about for quite a while. He was the founder and destroyer of Soul Coughing, an amazing vision into what hip-hop could have been, a more direct descendant of beat poetry. Not that hip-hop should be anything other than what it is, but, well check it out, you'll see what I mean. After beating his addiction to heroin, Doughty continued to tour as a solo act. I had the chance to see him many years back and he ranks in my head as the most entertaining solo performer I have ever seen. For instance, during the entire show there are a group of hardcore fans (I was new to Doughty's work at this time) yelling for a song called "FIRE TRUCK!" The whole night Doughty keeps putting it off telling us that we weren't ready for it yet. Then I get this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byi2gkoEKwU , or something close to it. You can tell from this short clip how well he understands entertainment, how he is able to create tension in a few mere seconds as you're waiting for the payoff.
At the end of the show Doughty said "In five minutes I'm going to sit down right here at the edge of the stage and sell copies of my album for five dollars. I hope you come up and buy one because all of the proceeds are going directly into my gas tank." The album Skittish had no distributor, and this was pre-iTunes, so the only way to get the album legally was to buy it directly from him. When I bought mine I told him "I'm glad I finally get to buy a copy of this." "What'd you download it?" "A friend burned it for me." He signed the paper case that holds a CD-R very similar to the one I already had and hands it to me, "Eh, get out of here."
So why wait so long to tackle a Doughty song? Well, I cover hopeless, desperate music, and while Doughty's music may be desperate, it is full of hope. I mean boiling over with hope. All his characters are reaching up, and reaching out, and moving forward. They are not stagnant in their own drive. So today we are going to do something different, we are going to take a look at the lead off track from Mike Doughty's third album Haughty Melodic
"Looking At The World From The Bottom Of A Well", by Mike Doughty, from Haughty Melodic
This is Haughty Melodic's lead off track, and the first thing you notice if you're a long time Doughty listener is the change in production. Doughty's work previous to this album was very thin in texture, usually not more than an acoustic guitar and vocals. Here we have multiple guitar tracks, full drum kit, bass, keys, percussion, and sax. It's quite a leap from what we're accustomed.
Our first verse is a longing daydream. "That Cuban girl that brought me low, she had that skin so fine and red lips rose like now. Her mouth was wide and sweet as well, but now relentless hours a'dreaming of her smell." Yeah. There is no better way to phrase that. It is followed by the title of the song in chorus form. "I feel as if I am looking at the world from the bottom of a well." I am separate. I am not part of the world, only moving through it, and I am distanced from that world. I am trapped and subject to stay that way without help, and thus even if I wanted to climb out, I can't.
And yet, a ray of hope. "Lonely, and the only way to beat it is to bat it down," repeated many times. You have to keep going, because, well, simple and poignant, the only way to beat it is to bat it down.
"Oh all the days that I have run I sought to lose that cloud that's blacking out the sun. My train will come some one day soon and when it comes I'll ride it bound from night to noon." I love the imagery of that line. Often people use the allegory of a train. While they are nearly nonexistent to the average American today, the symbolism of the train is something that is pervasive in American culture. So much so that it's usage can mean many things. A train is big, and powerful, and constantly moving. Trains take you away from places you need to leave. You have to wait for a train and thus it is something to build anticipation. Don't forget also that one cannot stand still on a moving train, and do your best to avoid train wrecks. Yet the beauty of that line is not the train, but it's destination. Doughty is riding a train that is departing night to arrive at noon. They are not times, but places. The train Doughty is waiting for picks one up in darkness and drops them off at light.
After another chorus we fall into a bridge, and a slight return to reality. "Aimless days, uncool ways of decathecting." To withdraw one's feelings of attachment from a person, idea, or object. "Painless phase, blacked out thoughts you'll be rejecting." From which we breakdown once again to "Lonely, and the only way to beat it is to bat it down." Keep going.
"Well let's get down, to business now ..."
and then the full on, full texture, everyone blasting last chorus, guitar solo, and dissolve.
And there you have it, a mention of hope. So, on to something more serious.
Did you know that it is false that there are more suicides in the cold weather months and around holidays? Studies show that suicide rates are highest in the springtime. I am certainly no expert, but no matter how detached we feel, we tend to spend more time with our loved ones during this season. We tend to lean on each other to get through it. Even those with very few in our lives lean heavy on our friends and acquaintances. I mentioned that sad music is the stuff that keeps me going, which is absolutely true. In writing about what I do, I do not mean to make light of a such a serious subject. As I mentioned, this kind of music keeps me moving forward in my life and has helped greatly in pulling me out of my darkest depths. I write not only because I enjoy it, but also because I hope there are some that share this viewpoint. Those of you that have had someone close to you commit suicide, a group of which I am a member, know that there are no words to describe how hard and perplexing of a situation one is left in. If you have any doubt about anyone, reach out. Maybe it doesn't matter much, but let those around you know that someone cares, that someone will listen, that they are not alone. I'm not saying, nor do I believe that we can fix each others problems, but I know that harm can come from letting people know you care.
And hey, if you're looking for a charity to give to this holiday season, look up Hopeline/1-800-Suicide, or buy a Post-Secret book! If you are unaware of Post-Secret, you definitely need to check them out. It is an ongoing non-profit community art project wherein people mail in secrets anonymously on a postcard and any money they generate goes to helping out Hopeline.
As always suggest, comment, and berate either on this page, on this page, or email suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Charlie Darwin
Oh My God, Life is cold and formless. Oh My God, it's all around.
The Low Anthem was formed in 2006 by Ben Knox Miller and Jeffery Prystowsky met as DJ's at Brown University's WBRU radio station in 2006. After the recording, well kind of during the recording of their first album they added clarinetist Jocie Adams. The band put out their first two albums, What the Crow Brings, and Oh My God, Charlie Darwin on their own. Recently the band signed to Nonesuch records, who have rerelased OMGCD and are going to put out The Low Anthem's next album Smart Flesh in February of 2011. Today we're going to look at the lead off track from The Low Anthem's second album, "Charlie Darwin"
"Charlie Darwin" by The Low Anthem from Oh My God, Charlie Darwin
My good friends will tell you that when I see a movie I really like for the first time, that I make huge extreme statements like "That's the best movie I've ever seen." Keeping that in mind, I truly think that this is the best music video I have ever seen. Besides the fact that I am a sucker for claymation, I can't think of a video that more adequately says exactly what the song is about. Don't believe me? Watch it with the sound off.
"Set the sails, I feel the winds a'stirring. Toward the bright horizon set the way. Cast your wreckless dreams upon our Mayflower, haven from the world and her decay."
I am young and idealistic. The world is at my command, and though there is so much wrong, and so much falling apart, I can leave that. I have the power to set my sails, take my own Mayflower towards that brighter horizon. I choose to rise out of the rubble and set sail for friendlier waters.
The vocals are so beautiful in this song. They sit so soundly in their sonic space. I feel like I'm in a cathedral, but I'm listening to folk music, not church music. The blend between the organ and the background vocals is so smooth that I don't know where one starts and the other ends.
"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin, fighting for a system built to fail, spooning water from their broken vessels. As far as I can see there is no land." Only a fool would fight for something foolish. Why would a man stand for such crazy ideas.
"Oh my God, the water's all around us. Oh my God, it's all around." It's a realization. There has been a fundamental change in the protagonists world view. His world has flooded and the world he remembered has been buried by water. His landscape is completely different now, and he has to rationalize the person he is within this new world.
"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin. The lords of war just profit from decay, and trade their children's promise for the jingle the way we trade our hard earned time for pay." What a lyric. 'The lords of war just profit from decay' Men are driven to destroy for their own gain. 'And trade their children's promise,' their children's world. The place that we are supposed to leave better for others. That which we have promised our children. "The way we trade our hard earned time for pay.' Hard earned time, not hard earned pay. One works for time, for freedom, not monetary gain, but we all need monetary gain to support time. Life is hard, and as much as one would like to, we often cannot live within our ideals.
"Oh my God, the water's cold and shapeless. Oh my God, it's all around." The world has changed. I am not living in the same place. Am I even the same person? How can I claim to be? "Oh my God, Life is cold and formless. Oh my God, it's all around." What a dichotomy. Life is cold and formless, but we're surrounded by it. Something that had meaning, now has no meaning. Wait, that can't be right. It has meaning, but a different meaning. What is that meaning and is it important? Do I have meaning anymore? Am I important?
Like Sparklehorse's "It's A Wonderful Life," I knew from the second I heard this song that I wanted to do an analysis of it, but I couldn't pinpoint why it fit. One could listen to this song and only grab the idealogical battle between evolutionists and creationists, but the roots of this song go much deeper. It is about a man that has his world turned upside down. He no longer understands the world around him, or his place in it. A persons' self image is justified by the world around them, and thus, as the world around him changes, he himself changes. If a man's world changes so much that he no longer recognizes it, then he no longer recognizes himself either.
Thanks once again for reading. Feel free to leave comments here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new 'Dictatorship of the Proletariat' Forum at CommunistDayCareCenter.net. We've had some issues due to the jerks of the interwebs, so now you have to register to post, but we'd love to have you as part of the CDCC family.
The Low Anthem was formed in 2006 by Ben Knox Miller and Jeffery Prystowsky met as DJ's at Brown University's WBRU radio station in 2006. After the recording, well kind of during the recording of their first album they added clarinetist Jocie Adams. The band put out their first two albums, What the Crow Brings, and Oh My God, Charlie Darwin on their own. Recently the band signed to Nonesuch records, who have rerelased OMGCD and are going to put out The Low Anthem's next album Smart Flesh in February of 2011. Today we're going to look at the lead off track from The Low Anthem's second album, "Charlie Darwin"
"Charlie Darwin" by The Low Anthem from Oh My God, Charlie Darwin
My good friends will tell you that when I see a movie I really like for the first time, that I make huge extreme statements like "That's the best movie I've ever seen." Keeping that in mind, I truly think that this is the best music video I have ever seen. Besides the fact that I am a sucker for claymation, I can't think of a video that more adequately says exactly what the song is about. Don't believe me? Watch it with the sound off.
"Set the sails, I feel the winds a'stirring. Toward the bright horizon set the way. Cast your wreckless dreams upon our Mayflower, haven from the world and her decay."
I am young and idealistic. The world is at my command, and though there is so much wrong, and so much falling apart, I can leave that. I have the power to set my sails, take my own Mayflower towards that brighter horizon. I choose to rise out of the rubble and set sail for friendlier waters.
The vocals are so beautiful in this song. They sit so soundly in their sonic space. I feel like I'm in a cathedral, but I'm listening to folk music, not church music. The blend between the organ and the background vocals is so smooth that I don't know where one starts and the other ends.
"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin, fighting for a system built to fail, spooning water from their broken vessels. As far as I can see there is no land." Only a fool would fight for something foolish. Why would a man stand for such crazy ideas.
"Oh my God, the water's all around us. Oh my God, it's all around." It's a realization. There has been a fundamental change in the protagonists world view. His world has flooded and the world he remembered has been buried by water. His landscape is completely different now, and he has to rationalize the person he is within this new world.
"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin. The lords of war just profit from decay, and trade their children's promise for the jingle the way we trade our hard earned time for pay." What a lyric. 'The lords of war just profit from decay' Men are driven to destroy for their own gain. 'And trade their children's promise,' their children's world. The place that we are supposed to leave better for others. That which we have promised our children. "The way we trade our hard earned time for pay.' Hard earned time, not hard earned pay. One works for time, for freedom, not monetary gain, but we all need monetary gain to support time. Life is hard, and as much as one would like to, we often cannot live within our ideals.
"Oh my God, the water's cold and shapeless. Oh my God, it's all around." The world has changed. I am not living in the same place. Am I even the same person? How can I claim to be? "Oh my God, Life is cold and formless. Oh my God, it's all around." What a dichotomy. Life is cold and formless, but we're surrounded by it. Something that had meaning, now has no meaning. Wait, that can't be right. It has meaning, but a different meaning. What is that meaning and is it important? Do I have meaning anymore? Am I important?
Like Sparklehorse's "It's A Wonderful Life," I knew from the second I heard this song that I wanted to do an analysis of it, but I couldn't pinpoint why it fit. One could listen to this song and only grab the idealogical battle between evolutionists and creationists, but the roots of this song go much deeper. It is about a man that has his world turned upside down. He no longer understands the world around him, or his place in it. A persons' self image is justified by the world around them, and thus, as the world around him changes, he himself changes. If a man's world changes so much that he no longer recognizes it, then he no longer recognizes himself either.
Thanks once again for reading. Feel free to leave comments here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new 'Dictatorship of the Proletariat' Forum at CommunistDayCareCenter.net. We've had some issues due to the jerks of the interwebs, so now you have to register to post, but we'd love to have you as part of the CDCC family.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Antlers - Hospice, Pt. II
Now we return, faithful and valiant readers, to complete our journey through The Antlers' Hospice
Hospice (Tracks 6-10), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=CE46CAF7437867A4
Thirteen, or Sylvia Speaks Ambient wash left over from Bear turns into waves, and then dissipates. After a moment of silence we realize we are in a large room with a piano as Sylvia pleads "Pull me out. Can't you stop all this from happening? Close the doors and keep them out." A harmony vocal is added for the second verse, but it feels more like it's a layering of repeated commands rather than a second person. "Dig me out. Couldn't you have kept all this from happening. Dig me out from under our house." Forgiving the prologue, this is the shortest song on the album, but it's the one that tells the most. It's the most important song on the album and the one that points out the elephant in the room.
What are we really talking about here? What are we really experiencing through this album? The album is not literally about a hospice worker and patient relationship, but rather a relationship through the guise of a hospice worker and patient. The cancer is the relationship, and it's symptoms the way that Sylvia behaves towards the protagonist, and even though our protagonist is trying as hard as he can to save Sylvia, and Sylvia wants nothing more than to be saved, there is no way out. The deeper our protagonist goes in, the more he loves Sylvia, but also the deeper he goes, the more he is poisoned. It is evident, that eventually, and through a lot of pain, that this will not work out.
Two, or I Would Have Saved Her If I Could Epiphanies feel like they come out of no where, even when you see all the steps. It's as though one is filling out a really good connect the dots picture where the picture is completely obscured until the last line is laid down. Ideas become cemented like stills from movies. click.
The first line of this song is "In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me 'Enough is enough.'" click. "He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted), and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear: That there was nothing I could do to save you, the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you." 'Something that I didn't know I wanted to hear.' click. 'There was nothing I could do to save you.' click. 'This thing is gonna kill you.' click, print, put it in a frame. It's not an easy realization. Our protagonist likens it to glass raining down on him opening up newly healed scars.
At this inopportune moment he hears Sylvia howling and goes to try to comfort her. Our accompaniment of guitar becomes more full, adding electric guitar and drums. She mentions a dream, a recollection, and then we get "Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head, now he greases them up." After this verse the texture thickens and we get more keys and guitar.
"Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping." Have you ever been the one not clapping? I've been the one not clapping more often than I'd like to admit. Unfortunately there's a kind of blinders that come with a relationship where one can't see things from the outside and they don't notice things get bad, or a sense of righteousness keeps pulling them back. As a friend, all you can do is watch and be there when they fall. A sampling of the following lyrics: "When we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. ...but I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected. I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes, I just held you in the door frame through all of the earthquakes." I took it. I took it, for you. Our protagonist is just as much to blame as Sylvia. He knows this is bad, but in some way he views it as noble to stay. Real men stick it out. This is my girl and I love her, so if this is what I have to do, this is what I have to do.
"But you packed up your clothes in that back every night, and I would grab at your ankles (what a pitiful sight.) But over a year, I stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do." And eventually there is no fight left. You just, move, and be. Exist, but at a slower pace. Things lose color, life loses energy. You're the one sick now.
The texture has grown bigger and bigger, but it breaks on the next verse which culminates on this lyric: "So there's no open doors, and there's way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two." The texture starts to build, including the addition of a second vocal to a verse about 'two.' "Two ways to tell the story. ...Two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry. ... Two people believing that I'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout. "
The texture approaches it's thickest as we enter the chorus/dreamscape from earlier in the song, and when that is finished, the song cuts on it's resolve and morphs into an ghostly reverb filled pair of moans slowly pulsing and dying.
Shiva, or Portacaths Switched A simple, distorted keyboard line characterizes "Shiva." By distorted I don't mean overdriven guitar style distortion, but a misrepresentation of the sound due to holes punched throughout until it barely represents its original self. Soon we are accompanied by guitar, piano, and drums in the cyclical 'three' feel.
"Suddenly every machine stopped at once, and the monitors beeped the last time. Hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine." The sickness finally got the best of us. "The bed was misshaped, and awkward and tall, and clearly intended for you."
"You checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. But you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. My hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. The sensation was scissors too much to scream, so instead, I just started to laugh."
Alone. Not that we weren't before, but now I am.
Wake, or Letting People In There is a reverence to this song. It feels like a hallowed secret. As listener we play the role of the priest in confession. In the distance we hear the choir, but right up to our ear we hear the whisper. Church is an accurate setting as well for this aptly titled tune, because the song has as much to do with waking up as it does with honoring the dead.
"With the door closed, shades drawn, the world shrinks. Let's open up those blinds." That same tunnel vision that keeps one from seeing the situation they are in, eventually closes them off from everything else. "Now that everyone's an enemy, my heart sinks. Let's put away those claws." Because I'm still the one to blame. I ruined everything, and I left. It's my burden. "It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin, because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in." I can apologize for everything that was out of my control. I can take the blame for something that someone else did. I just can't tell you why.
"Well you can come inside, unlock the door, take off your shoes, but this might take all night to explain to you I would have walked out those sliding doors, but the timing never seemed right." It never does, and would you have, really? "When your helicopter came and tried to lift me out, I put it's rope around my neck, and after that you didn't bother with the airlift or the rescue. You knew just what to expect." A true friend won't hang you, and while they'll try to dissuade you, they have to let you hang yourself. "We can't rely on photographs and visitation time, but I just don't know where to begin. I wanna bust down the door if you're willing to forgive. I've got the keys, I'm letting people in." A good friend will also come back, be there when it's time.
The music cuts back to a descending lament piano line with a feedback accompaniment. As we land, the ground feels unstable with low, dark chords, and we are given the morals of the album, a code by which to live, something to remember in troubled and trying times:
"Don't be scared to speak,
Don't speak with someone's tooth,
Don't bargain when you're weak,
Don't take that sharp abuse.
Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you."
The album builds to it's apex on with continuous repeat of the following statement
"Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that."
Epilogue, or Sylvia Alive In Nightmares In a recap of "Bear" we take a look at our protagonist after some time has passed. We find that he is haunted by his past with Sylvia. The second verse brings us into a nightmare. "So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital, but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue. Men and women in blue and white they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth. You're being buried to your neck in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now. I'm truing to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing." It never stops.
"I've woken up, I'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me. Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep. But I know better as my eyes adjust, You've been gone for quite awhile now, and I don't work there in the hospital, they had to let me go." Because I could no longer take care of hospice patients, could no longer be a grief mop, no longer pour everything into something that will leave me, and then haunt me."
..."But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep. Your face is up against mine, and I'm too terrified to speak. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing."
The music runs headlong into a beautifully overdriven and processed guitar line that slowly fades, and ...
There you have it, a precious, and dark, and painful view into the wounded mind of a man in an abusive relationship told through the heroic view of a hospice worker and his patient.
I hope you enjoyed this in depth look at a full album. We're quickly approaching the one year anniversary of suicide watch songs, and with any luck we'll be here again next November with another in depth analysis of a dark album. Please if you have anything to add feel free to comment here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new forum over at communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum, where I invite you to take your own interpretation of the bonus track from Hospice, "Sylvia, An Introduction"
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7sinGefeOg
Lyrics: http://theantlershospice.blogspot.com/2008/06/lyrics.html
Hospice (Tracks 6-10), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=CE46CAF7437867A4
Thirteen, or Sylvia Speaks Ambient wash left over from Bear turns into waves, and then dissipates. After a moment of silence we realize we are in a large room with a piano as Sylvia pleads "Pull me out. Can't you stop all this from happening? Close the doors and keep them out." A harmony vocal is added for the second verse, but it feels more like it's a layering of repeated commands rather than a second person. "Dig me out. Couldn't you have kept all this from happening. Dig me out from under our house." Forgiving the prologue, this is the shortest song on the album, but it's the one that tells the most. It's the most important song on the album and the one that points out the elephant in the room.
What are we really talking about here? What are we really experiencing through this album? The album is not literally about a hospice worker and patient relationship, but rather a relationship through the guise of a hospice worker and patient. The cancer is the relationship, and it's symptoms the way that Sylvia behaves towards the protagonist, and even though our protagonist is trying as hard as he can to save Sylvia, and Sylvia wants nothing more than to be saved, there is no way out. The deeper our protagonist goes in, the more he loves Sylvia, but also the deeper he goes, the more he is poisoned. It is evident, that eventually, and through a lot of pain, that this will not work out.
Two, or I Would Have Saved Her If I Could Epiphanies feel like they come out of no where, even when you see all the steps. It's as though one is filling out a really good connect the dots picture where the picture is completely obscured until the last line is laid down. Ideas become cemented like stills from movies. click.
The first line of this song is "In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me 'Enough is enough.'" click. "He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted), and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear: That there was nothing I could do to save you, the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you." 'Something that I didn't know I wanted to hear.' click. 'There was nothing I could do to save you.' click. 'This thing is gonna kill you.' click, print, put it in a frame. It's not an easy realization. Our protagonist likens it to glass raining down on him opening up newly healed scars.
At this inopportune moment he hears Sylvia howling and goes to try to comfort her. Our accompaniment of guitar becomes more full, adding electric guitar and drums. She mentions a dream, a recollection, and then we get "Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head, now he greases them up." After this verse the texture thickens and we get more keys and guitar.
"Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping." Have you ever been the one not clapping? I've been the one not clapping more often than I'd like to admit. Unfortunately there's a kind of blinders that come with a relationship where one can't see things from the outside and they don't notice things get bad, or a sense of righteousness keeps pulling them back. As a friend, all you can do is watch and be there when they fall. A sampling of the following lyrics: "When we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. ...but I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected. I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes, I just held you in the door frame through all of the earthquakes." I took it. I took it, for you. Our protagonist is just as much to blame as Sylvia. He knows this is bad, but in some way he views it as noble to stay. Real men stick it out. This is my girl and I love her, so if this is what I have to do, this is what I have to do.
"But you packed up your clothes in that back every night, and I would grab at your ankles (what a pitiful sight.) But over a year, I stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do." And eventually there is no fight left. You just, move, and be. Exist, but at a slower pace. Things lose color, life loses energy. You're the one sick now.
The texture has grown bigger and bigger, but it breaks on the next verse which culminates on this lyric: "So there's no open doors, and there's way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two." The texture starts to build, including the addition of a second vocal to a verse about 'two.' "Two ways to tell the story. ...Two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry. ... Two people believing that I'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout. "
The texture approaches it's thickest as we enter the chorus/dreamscape from earlier in the song, and when that is finished, the song cuts on it's resolve and morphs into an ghostly reverb filled pair of moans slowly pulsing and dying.
Shiva, or Portacaths Switched A simple, distorted keyboard line characterizes "Shiva." By distorted I don't mean overdriven guitar style distortion, but a misrepresentation of the sound due to holes punched throughout until it barely represents its original self. Soon we are accompanied by guitar, piano, and drums in the cyclical 'three' feel.
"Suddenly every machine stopped at once, and the monitors beeped the last time. Hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine." The sickness finally got the best of us. "The bed was misshaped, and awkward and tall, and clearly intended for you."
"You checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. But you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. My hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. The sensation was scissors too much to scream, so instead, I just started to laugh."
Alone. Not that we weren't before, but now I am.
Wake, or Letting People In There is a reverence to this song. It feels like a hallowed secret. As listener we play the role of the priest in confession. In the distance we hear the choir, but right up to our ear we hear the whisper. Church is an accurate setting as well for this aptly titled tune, because the song has as much to do with waking up as it does with honoring the dead.
"With the door closed, shades drawn, the world shrinks. Let's open up those blinds." That same tunnel vision that keeps one from seeing the situation they are in, eventually closes them off from everything else. "Now that everyone's an enemy, my heart sinks. Let's put away those claws." Because I'm still the one to blame. I ruined everything, and I left. It's my burden. "It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin, because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in." I can apologize for everything that was out of my control. I can take the blame for something that someone else did. I just can't tell you why.
"Well you can come inside, unlock the door, take off your shoes, but this might take all night to explain to you I would have walked out those sliding doors, but the timing never seemed right." It never does, and would you have, really? "When your helicopter came and tried to lift me out, I put it's rope around my neck, and after that you didn't bother with the airlift or the rescue. You knew just what to expect." A true friend won't hang you, and while they'll try to dissuade you, they have to let you hang yourself. "We can't rely on photographs and visitation time, but I just don't know where to begin. I wanna bust down the door if you're willing to forgive. I've got the keys, I'm letting people in." A good friend will also come back, be there when it's time.
The music cuts back to a descending lament piano line with a feedback accompaniment. As we land, the ground feels unstable with low, dark chords, and we are given the morals of the album, a code by which to live, something to remember in troubled and trying times:
"Don't be scared to speak,
Don't speak with someone's tooth,
Don't bargain when you're weak,
Don't take that sharp abuse.
Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you."
The album builds to it's apex on with continuous repeat of the following statement
"Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that."
Epilogue, or Sylvia Alive In Nightmares In a recap of "Bear" we take a look at our protagonist after some time has passed. We find that he is haunted by his past with Sylvia. The second verse brings us into a nightmare. "So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital, but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue. Men and women in blue and white they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth. You're being buried to your neck in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now. I'm truing to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing." It never stops.
"I've woken up, I'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me. Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep. But I know better as my eyes adjust, You've been gone for quite awhile now, and I don't work there in the hospital, they had to let me go." Because I could no longer take care of hospice patients, could no longer be a grief mop, no longer pour everything into something that will leave me, and then haunt me."
..."But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep. Your face is up against mine, and I'm too terrified to speak. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing."
The music runs headlong into a beautifully overdriven and processed guitar line that slowly fades, and ...
There you have it, a precious, and dark, and painful view into the wounded mind of a man in an abusive relationship told through the heroic view of a hospice worker and his patient.
I hope you enjoyed this in depth look at a full album. We're quickly approaching the one year anniversary of suicide watch songs, and with any luck we'll be here again next November with another in depth analysis of a dark album. Please if you have anything to add feel free to comment here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new forum over at communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum, where I invite you to take your own interpretation of the bonus track from Hospice, "Sylvia, An Introduction"
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7sinGefeOg
Lyrics: http://theantlershospice.blogspot.com/2008/06/lyrics.html
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Antlers, Hospice - Part I
November may be my favorite month. Fall has set in, it is a heavy time for heavy thought. We need to go deeper at this time of year. There needs to be more substance, more fuel for the fire to power us through. With this thought in mind, this month, and every November from this point on is going to take a look at not but a few measly songs, but a full Suicide Watch Album to be split up among the two post dates. For this inaugural installment we are going to look at the 2009 concept album Hospice by The Antlers
Hospice (Tracks 1-5), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=97A3A6DFC91721DA
The above playlist is of the first five songs off of the ten song album. The track titles are as follows:
1. Prologue
2. Kettering
3. Sylvia
4. Atrophy
5. Bear
I attempted to find interesting videos for the playlist. "Sylvia" and "Bear" are both official videos. "Prologue" and "Kettering" are fan made, and apparently no one has made a video yet for my favorite song of this half, "Atrophy"
You can download a PDF of the liner notes for the album direct from the band's website here: http://www.antlersmusic.com/linernotes.pdf This will help fill in the gaps as I do not plan to disect every lyric on the album.
The Antlers started as a solo project by New Yorker, Peter Silberman. Originally Silberman recorded and released multiple Antlers recordings by himself. In 2007 he started work on Hospice, in the process enlisting help from musicians Michael Lerner and Darby Cicci. Hospice was originally released by the band themselves, and then later picked up and rereleased by Frenchkiss Records. Since that time it has gone on to huge success. Today we will look at the first half of Silberman's concept album opus, Hospice.
1. Prologue What better time to give you some background information but at the prologue. If interpreted as though we trust our narrator, the lyrics decree Hospice as the tale of a the relationship between a hospice worker and his patient . The prologue does so much to help paint this picture. Knowing that we start in a medical setting, doesn't the prologue show us and enhance this image? Those warning bells and beeping monitors are all distorted by the low hum of machines, and echo down those hallways so white and clean while the fluorescent lighting feels like its pulsing and burning into ones head. It's a place so strong, yet so out of place, filled with those so frail, but so certain.
2. Kettering, or Bedside Manner "Kettering" follows our introduction and gives us some exposition regarding our backstory. It starts "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met that unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." A seemingly simple statement, but it can be taken a multitude of ways. What are we being hired for? Is the statement cut and dried, where one is hired for a job, or are we agreeing to something different, some ill-conceived plot, akin to a deal with the devil? What is the debt that our protagonist owed? What exactly is he making up for?
There is a low oscillating fuzz throughout the entire song, but I always notice it during the line "the singing morphine alarms out of tune keep you sleeping and even..." It is a strong statement only to be flipped in the next verse to "You make me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that there was no saving you." And we wait a moment, to then be plunged into a swirling depth of vocals, chords, drums, and noise, almost as if it took a while for the weight of that particular statement to hit us. The cacophony withdraws, but we are left feeling unresolved, and the song ends with a click, as though an effect was turned off on the recording, or maybe as though someone flipped a lightswitch and walked away.
3. Sylvia, or Sliding Curtains Shining Children's Heads "Sylvia" starts with more of those distorted, processed tones. At first we are led to believe that they are just noise, ambiance raised to the level of awareness, but the pitches start to change and move. Finally there is a musical cadence and resolution and we are certain that this is harmonic material. What Silberman has done here is crossed that line between the music and the story, causing us to be unsure of where one ends and the other begins.
Our protagonist enters apologizing but uncertain of what he has done wrong. He tells Sylvia "You swing first." As the alarms fade into synth chords he begs "Let me do my job." We are then hit forcefully by the full band, and our protagonist yelling and pleading "Sylvia get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing. Remind me again how everyone betrayed you." We now understand that anger and resentment from Sylvia, and cowering and placation from our protagonist is the normal interaction between these two. The yelling stops, but the music continues. There is some kind of resolution, but there is still all this energy in the air, and then you hear buried beneath it all a hidden melodic phrase echoing and mirroring the chorus, like repeating the argument in your head. A calming verse follows, and then another chorus. After the chorus this time we get the same continuance as before, but this time with a harmonized horn line repeating the argument.
The music breaks apart and we're lost in free time with trickling noises that sound lost somewhere between rain, glass, and snow. The chorus comes back with a whisper and a light strum on the guitar and quietly as it started the song ends.
4. Atrophy, or Rings Ill-fitting is a song of introspection, and in that our protagonist sees that he is making his decisions while walking on eggshells around Sylvia. "You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders. You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders. I've been repeating your speeches, but the audience just doesn't follow. Because I've been leaving out words, punctuation, and it sounds pretty hollow." The audience doesn't get it, they don't understand. Who is this audience? Friends? relatives? It's everyone. Everyone thinks he's crazy for sticking around.
"Little porcelain figurines, glass bullets you shot at the wall. Threats of castration for crimes you imagine when I miss your call." Accusations of things that are so far from the truth. He's willing to do anything you ask, but he must be hurting you in someway, right? "With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer." They're married, and now for the most selfless lyric on the album, the proof of our protagonist's intention, and maybe also an insight into their psyche and why they would remain in such a bad situation "I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself."
The song builds and eventually breaks into a reverbative fuzz. From that we come back once again to the solo singer with acoustic guitar "Someone, oh anyone, tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness. I'm freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her. No one's gonna come as long as I lay in bed beside her. " That's right, our protagonist has to get out of that bed himself. No one will come and help him, and if she is alone, then there is a reason for it.
5. Bear, or Children Become Their Parents Become Their Children In brilliant text painting, "Bear" opens up with an dreamy sounding electric piano playing with the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle," hiding it just enough to make it not quite the familiar lullaby. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within. He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him. We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know, " I love the juxtaposition of the light, happy music, to the dark emotional subject matter of abortion.
The verse finishes and the full band comes in with the chorus of "We're too old. We're not old at all. Just too old. We're not old at all." Like a difference in perspective. Which one of them feels old? Which doesn't? Are they starting to realize how different they are?
The chorus resolves back to the minimalistic verse. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking you for weeks, and if this isn't all a dream, well then we'll cut him from beneath. Well we're not scared of making caves, or finding food for him to eat. We're terrified of one another, terrified of what that means." We're not scared of terminating the pregnancy, or of taking care of the child, we are afraid of being parents, and more so, how the other will parent. "But we'll make only quick decisions, and you'll just keep me in the waiting room, and all the while I'll know we're fucked, and not getting unfucked soon." This is it. This is the event to tear us apart. "When we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before. You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor." We enter another chorus which builds and builds until...
I know, it's a horrible way to leave off. The final resolution is the first hit of the next track. (That is if you're listening to the album version, the video hits it.) Anywho, I suppose we'll have to wait. Come back on the fifteenth to see what happens, same Suicide Watch, same Suicide channel.
As always, feel free to comment here or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Hospice (Tracks 1-5), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=97A3A6DFC91721DA
The above playlist is of the first five songs off of the ten song album. The track titles are as follows:
1. Prologue
2. Kettering
3. Sylvia
4. Atrophy
5. Bear
I attempted to find interesting videos for the playlist. "Sylvia" and "Bear" are both official videos. "Prologue" and "Kettering" are fan made, and apparently no one has made a video yet for my favorite song of this half, "Atrophy"
You can download a PDF of the liner notes for the album direct from the band's website here: http://www.antlersmusic.com/linernotes.pdf This will help fill in the gaps as I do not plan to disect every lyric on the album.
The Antlers started as a solo project by New Yorker, Peter Silberman. Originally Silberman recorded and released multiple Antlers recordings by himself. In 2007 he started work on Hospice, in the process enlisting help from musicians Michael Lerner and Darby Cicci. Hospice was originally released by the band themselves, and then later picked up and rereleased by Frenchkiss Records. Since that time it has gone on to huge success. Today we will look at the first half of Silberman's concept album opus, Hospice.
1. Prologue What better time to give you some background information but at the prologue. If interpreted as though we trust our narrator, the lyrics decree Hospice as the tale of a the relationship between a hospice worker and his patient . The prologue does so much to help paint this picture. Knowing that we start in a medical setting, doesn't the prologue show us and enhance this image? Those warning bells and beeping monitors are all distorted by the low hum of machines, and echo down those hallways so white and clean while the fluorescent lighting feels like its pulsing and burning into ones head. It's a place so strong, yet so out of place, filled with those so frail, but so certain.
2. Kettering, or Bedside Manner "Kettering" follows our introduction and gives us some exposition regarding our backstory. It starts "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met that unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." A seemingly simple statement, but it can be taken a multitude of ways. What are we being hired for? Is the statement cut and dried, where one is hired for a job, or are we agreeing to something different, some ill-conceived plot, akin to a deal with the devil? What is the debt that our protagonist owed? What exactly is he making up for?
There is a low oscillating fuzz throughout the entire song, but I always notice it during the line "the singing morphine alarms out of tune keep you sleeping and even..." It is a strong statement only to be flipped in the next verse to "You make me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that there was no saving you." And we wait a moment, to then be plunged into a swirling depth of vocals, chords, drums, and noise, almost as if it took a while for the weight of that particular statement to hit us. The cacophony withdraws, but we are left feeling unresolved, and the song ends with a click, as though an effect was turned off on the recording, or maybe as though someone flipped a lightswitch and walked away.
3. Sylvia, or Sliding Curtains Shining Children's Heads "Sylvia" starts with more of those distorted, processed tones. At first we are led to believe that they are just noise, ambiance raised to the level of awareness, but the pitches start to change and move. Finally there is a musical cadence and resolution and we are certain that this is harmonic material. What Silberman has done here is crossed that line between the music and the story, causing us to be unsure of where one ends and the other begins.
Our protagonist enters apologizing but uncertain of what he has done wrong. He tells Sylvia "You swing first." As the alarms fade into synth chords he begs "Let me do my job." We are then hit forcefully by the full band, and our protagonist yelling and pleading "Sylvia get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing. Remind me again how everyone betrayed you." We now understand that anger and resentment from Sylvia, and cowering and placation from our protagonist is the normal interaction between these two. The yelling stops, but the music continues. There is some kind of resolution, but there is still all this energy in the air, and then you hear buried beneath it all a hidden melodic phrase echoing and mirroring the chorus, like repeating the argument in your head. A calming verse follows, and then another chorus. After the chorus this time we get the same continuance as before, but this time with a harmonized horn line repeating the argument.
The music breaks apart and we're lost in free time with trickling noises that sound lost somewhere between rain, glass, and snow. The chorus comes back with a whisper and a light strum on the guitar and quietly as it started the song ends.
4. Atrophy, or Rings Ill-fitting is a song of introspection, and in that our protagonist sees that he is making his decisions while walking on eggshells around Sylvia. "You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders. You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders. I've been repeating your speeches, but the audience just doesn't follow. Because I've been leaving out words, punctuation, and it sounds pretty hollow." The audience doesn't get it, they don't understand. Who is this audience? Friends? relatives? It's everyone. Everyone thinks he's crazy for sticking around.
"Little porcelain figurines, glass bullets you shot at the wall. Threats of castration for crimes you imagine when I miss your call." Accusations of things that are so far from the truth. He's willing to do anything you ask, but he must be hurting you in someway, right? "With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer." They're married, and now for the most selfless lyric on the album, the proof of our protagonist's intention, and maybe also an insight into their psyche and why they would remain in such a bad situation "I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself."
The song builds and eventually breaks into a reverbative fuzz. From that we come back once again to the solo singer with acoustic guitar "Someone, oh anyone, tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness. I'm freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her. No one's gonna come as long as I lay in bed beside her. " That's right, our protagonist has to get out of that bed himself. No one will come and help him, and if she is alone, then there is a reason for it.
5. Bear, or Children Become Their Parents Become Their Children In brilliant text painting, "Bear" opens up with an dreamy sounding electric piano playing with the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle," hiding it just enough to make it not quite the familiar lullaby. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within. He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him. We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know, " I love the juxtaposition of the light, happy music, to the dark emotional subject matter of abortion.
The verse finishes and the full band comes in with the chorus of "We're too old. We're not old at all. Just too old. We're not old at all." Like a difference in perspective. Which one of them feels old? Which doesn't? Are they starting to realize how different they are?
The chorus resolves back to the minimalistic verse. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking you for weeks, and if this isn't all a dream, well then we'll cut him from beneath. Well we're not scared of making caves, or finding food for him to eat. We're terrified of one another, terrified of what that means." We're not scared of terminating the pregnancy, or of taking care of the child, we are afraid of being parents, and more so, how the other will parent. "But we'll make only quick decisions, and you'll just keep me in the waiting room, and all the while I'll know we're fucked, and not getting unfucked soon." This is it. This is the event to tear us apart. "When we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before. You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor." We enter another chorus which builds and builds until...
I know, it's a horrible way to leave off. The final resolution is the first hit of the next track. (That is if you're listening to the album version, the video hits it.) Anywho, I suppose we'll have to wait. Come back on the fifteenth to see what happens, same Suicide Watch, same Suicide channel.
As always, feel free to comment here or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Friday, October 15, 2010
Alone
This installment's song is one of the tunes that made me realize that I really liked sad songs. With a handful of others, when I first heard it many years ago, it reached right in and opened a tap within me that has yet to be shut off. I recently came across what I assume is a demo version of the song on You Tube and immediately decided it must make this installment of Suicide Watch Songs.
"Alone" by Ben Harper from Burn To Shine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMznBR_gTvY
The version actually from Burn To Shine can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwQVt9PM2ho.
(Note that the background card is the cover for his following studio album Diamonds On The Inside. I am uncertain of the origin of the version I have posted, but would love to find out if anyone knows.)
"Alone" is a lament, a lament for one's self. It is a desparate cry for help from a man far gone. The ciclical triplet based time and minor chord progression give one a feel of spiralling down and away. I believe that this demo version fits the material of the song much better than the album version. It's one guy and a guitar. His voice is soft, almost a whisper, and even the tape hiss connotates a guy by himself in a room with a cassette deck. The album version hides so much of what the song is all about. For instance, the instrumentation is so thick that the wailing at the beginning is barely audible, and the polyrhytmic drumbeat pulls away from that spiralling feeling. Besides, it's pretty hard to claim to be alone when you're surrounded by three other dudes.
"This empty room it fils my mind." Already we are confronted with a staggering reality. It's not just that our protaganist is obsessing over his separation. He views his mind, and himself, as empty as the room he is in. "Freedom, it leaves me confined." The emptiness leaves him with no guide. When one can do anything, where does one start? Our protaganist is so unsure that he is crushed by possibility. "Every single bone has cracked, but in this life you can't turn back." There is no support left. I cannot stand on my own, and there is no way to endure or return. "I don't want to live. I don't want to live here alone." I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how to get there, and I'll never survive on my own.
We continue, "As these words part with my tounge I question why they're even sung." Our protaganist can no longer determine their reason for doing things. There is no purpose in any action anymore. "I promise but I lie, I don't even know myself inside." No purpose, no goal, no drive, these things make it extremely hard to have a sense of self, which in turn makes it extremely hard to have purpose, goal, and drive. I used to be a person. I used to have these things. What happened?
A slight lyrical change in the chorus to "I don't want to be here alone" brings us to the final verse. "Today and tommorrow have become one." There is unforseen weight in this lyric. It does not imply that the days are strung together and timeless. It implies that tommorrow is going to be just like today, that nothing ever changes, and that attempts to make things better are futile. It's a projection of nothing but emptiness and lonliness to come. "Human nature is a beast, what I've done the most to show I have the least." The quest to be meek has gone to the extreme. To reduce ego, to reject acknowledgement of accomplishment, to appear empty has given way for the need to be empty. Overall this leaves him without the equipment to climb out of the hole by himself.
The final chorus then gets angry. "Please don't leave me here. Don't you leave me alone." It's more of a desparate begging than any kind of demand. The song abruptly ends after that, and we are left to wonder if our protaganist ever made it, or if he's still alone.
As always feel free to comment or leave suggestions either on this blog or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net. Make sure you come back November first for the biggest undertaking this blog has ever undertaken. Faithfull readers, you will not be disappointed.
"Alone" by Ben Harper from Burn To Shine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMznBR_gTvY
The version actually from Burn To Shine can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwQVt9PM2ho.
(Note that the background card is the cover for his following studio album Diamonds On The Inside. I am uncertain of the origin of the version I have posted, but would love to find out if anyone knows.)
"Alone" is a lament, a lament for one's self. It is a desparate cry for help from a man far gone. The ciclical triplet based time and minor chord progression give one a feel of spiralling down and away. I believe that this demo version fits the material of the song much better than the album version. It's one guy and a guitar. His voice is soft, almost a whisper, and even the tape hiss connotates a guy by himself in a room with a cassette deck. The album version hides so much of what the song is all about. For instance, the instrumentation is so thick that the wailing at the beginning is barely audible, and the polyrhytmic drumbeat pulls away from that spiralling feeling. Besides, it's pretty hard to claim to be alone when you're surrounded by three other dudes.
"This empty room it fils my mind." Already we are confronted with a staggering reality. It's not just that our protaganist is obsessing over his separation. He views his mind, and himself, as empty as the room he is in. "Freedom, it leaves me confined." The emptiness leaves him with no guide. When one can do anything, where does one start? Our protaganist is so unsure that he is crushed by possibility. "Every single bone has cracked, but in this life you can't turn back." There is no support left. I cannot stand on my own, and there is no way to endure or return. "I don't want to live. I don't want to live here alone." I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how to get there, and I'll never survive on my own.
We continue, "As these words part with my tounge I question why they're even sung." Our protaganist can no longer determine their reason for doing things. There is no purpose in any action anymore. "I promise but I lie, I don't even know myself inside." No purpose, no goal, no drive, these things make it extremely hard to have a sense of self, which in turn makes it extremely hard to have purpose, goal, and drive. I used to be a person. I used to have these things. What happened?
A slight lyrical change in the chorus to "I don't want to be here alone" brings us to the final verse. "Today and tommorrow have become one." There is unforseen weight in this lyric. It does not imply that the days are strung together and timeless. It implies that tommorrow is going to be just like today, that nothing ever changes, and that attempts to make things better are futile. It's a projection of nothing but emptiness and lonliness to come. "Human nature is a beast, what I've done the most to show I have the least." The quest to be meek has gone to the extreme. To reduce ego, to reject acknowledgement of accomplishment, to appear empty has given way for the need to be empty. Overall this leaves him without the equipment to climb out of the hole by himself.
The final chorus then gets angry. "Please don't leave me here. Don't you leave me alone." It's more of a desparate begging than any kind of demand. The song abruptly ends after that, and we are left to wonder if our protaganist ever made it, or if he's still alone.
As always feel free to comment or leave suggestions either on this blog or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net. Make sure you come back November first for the biggest undertaking this blog has ever undertaken. Faithfull readers, you will not be disappointed.
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