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"It's A Wonderful Life" was the first Sparklehorse song I fell in love with. It was also the first Sparklehorse song I had ever heard.
On March 6th, 2010, Mark Linkous, who was Sparklehorse in concept and performance, ended his own life.
"It's A Wonderful Life" by Sparklehorse from It's A Wonderful Life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjsUZRs770U
Sparklehorse's music is beautiful and fragile. His songs are composed of a string of precious moments; seeing an unexpected shooting star, running though a field of high grass, and the silence of the snowfall. It is all very beautiful and cherishes everything in the world that we take for granted. It is the quiet observation of the magic that sneaks out from in between every molecule, like a shadow blanket from the fourth dimension. It is an incredibly uplifting view of the world, and that's why I could not figure out for the life of me why it made me feel so sad.
When I heard that Linkous had committed suicide I was finally able to understand why his music makes me feel the way it does. It is a feeling that I've dealt with many times in my life; Everything here is so pretty and so perfect and yet I just don't belong. I am a faker. I've I cheated my way in and am pretending, wearing a thin veil, a human mask. I'm not fooling anyone and it's only a matter of time before I'm run out on a rail. Even at my best I am a failure to everyone else's normal. As Linkous himself says, "I'm the dog that ate your birthday cake." You can't blame the dog for doing what was in its nature, yet they are what caused you pain.
"It's A Wonderful Life," like most of Linkous' music has an expertly designed low-fi sound. One can tell by listening to it that the sound you're hearing is the one Linkous wanted, and not the one he got because he was limited in the studio. The song's instrumentation is only mellotron, guitar, vocals, bell kit, cello, record hiss, and 80's computer calculation sounds, which might sound like a lot, but keep in mind that the harmonic material is really just coming from the guitar, and mellotron, and that the melodic material is basically all coming from his voice. All of the other parts, including the cello, are really just reinforcing the song and adding to the overall soundscape.
"It's A Wonderful Life" is not only a great song, but a great album as well. If you get even a little pleasure out of listening to it then I suggest getting your hands on a copy of the entire album. You will not be disappointed.
The reason I am enthralled with depressing songs is because they keep me going. Nothing helps me through day to day life, let alone the hard days, better than really dark music. Suicide Watch Songs are just that for me, they're my suicide watch. They pull me back from the edge. I don't know the real reason. I don't view it in a "There's someone that feels the way I do" kind of way. Maybe it makes me feel like I am dead, or what I want death to feel like. Maybe suicide watch songs fill that void, give me that fix. Unfortunately it is way too easy to forget that the creators of this music are often in deep personal turmoil.
Suicide is a not a choice come to easily. While I don't ever want to see it happen, I have to respect it. It is hardest decision to make as a person. Mark Linkous, I hope what you have done has ended your pain, and I thank you for keeping my demons at bay if for only a little while. Rest in peace.
As always feel free to comment here or send me an email at SuicideSongs@CommunistDayCareCenter.Net
Monday, March 15, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Satan Is My Motor
FUCK IT!
That's right, I said FUCK IT!
I'm DONE, I'm Out!
and FUCK Y'All. I don't need you. You don't know me.
I don't need you. I'm fine on my own, 'casue Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr.
"Satan Is My Motor" by CAKE from Prolonging The Magic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksd_PKe-ex0
As I mentioned last time, this review has to do with the 'Devil May Care' genre of Suicide Song. It is obviously a departure from the previous songs but with good reason. I have designed the first four blog posts to mimic my own listening habits during depressive cycles. The first two are sometimes flipped, and this one and the next are sometimes flipped as well, but overall this is the progression. It starts with the fall into 'The Pit,' those depths that are hard to climb out from. When in those depths every small situation feels as though it is out of my control. A feeling of helplessness overcomes, a sense that every outcome is predetermined, and that I have no control over my own life. At that point I need to find some power in my life. I have to get some control of something. Then begins a stage fueled by an emotion so eloquently described this way by Mary Shelley; "If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!"
"Satan Is My Motor" starts right off into the first verse with a verse of metaphor describing the protagonist of the song. "I've got wheels of solid steel. I've got tires that grab the road. I've got seats that selflessly hold my friend and a trunk that can carry the heaviest of loads." This verse describes how the character views himself in the world. He is the stalwart companion. He is virtuous, capable, and willing to help anyone at anytime. He views himself above all else the paradigm of the 'good guy.'
The pre-chorus then gives us an insight into the internal workings of the character's psyche. "I've got a mind that can steer me to your house, and a heart that can bring you red flowers." He has these parts of him that CAN do something, but Will he? Why does he? Why should he? "My intentions are good and earnest and true, but under my hood is internal combustion power, ..." I am a driven person. I have reasoning, and a thought process. I am cold and calculated.
"... and Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr."
I have seen many interpretations on this song. The most common one is that Satan in this case is the character's sex drive. In essence saying "I like you, and I do these things for you because I care for you, but my ultimate goal is to get in your pants." I believe that it goes deeper than that. Satan in this case is any selfish drive within him. His sex drive is only one aspect of this, not all of it. This is not 'selfish' in the way we tend to think of a 'selfish' being. We tend to associate selfishness with not only thinking of one's self, but also as though the guilty party was purposefully attempting to hurt others with their actions. That kind of accusation in itself is a selfish act by my definition. "You didn't even stop to think about ME did you?" is a statement made by one inherently looking out for their self. They're not really thinking about the benefit gained by the 'selfish' person.
"Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr," is a vie for power, a scream from that hopeless person that they have power in this world. I AM in control of my life. I am driven, and if I so choose, none of you can stop me in my pursuits.
I believe that those we consider to be evil or bad people don't believe themselves to be. I don't believe that people do things just to be bad. No one wakes up in the morning and says "I'm going to be a bad person today." Behind every evil act is a good intention or hard decision. Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong, but as was once said by someone wiser than me "Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do." How does one reconcile with themselves in such a situation? The next line of the song says it all; "Satan is the only one who seems to understand."
The lyrics go on to describe the character's control of the situation. "I've got brakes. I'm wide awake. I can stop this car at anytime. At the very last second I can change direction, turn completely around, if I feel so inclined." The question that remains is to whom is the character talking. Is "I can stop this car at anytime" a father yelling at the kids in the backseat, iterating control of the situation, or is he the lifelong smoker that says "I can quit anytime I want to," the person that has made that hard decision and can't go back, someone afraid that they are out of control? We are left with the character arduously climbing the crumbling side of the pit with all their energy directed inwards because to do anything else guarantees that fall back into self destruction.
Musically, this does not feel like a 'Suicide Watch' song. I suppose that means it doesn't have the timbre, or chord progression, or it doesn't move at a tempo that could put one near weeping even if there were no words. In fact it does quite the opposite. This song, and most of CAKE's music would fit in quite easily on the dance floor. They are particularly hard to describe musically. They have a unique sound that a friend of mine aptly coined 'Cosmopolitan Pop.' They are certainly one of those bands that is more than the sum of their parts, and I would highly recommend them to any music listener.
Thanks again for reading and as always I look forward to comments and suggestions. You can either leave a comment on this page or email me at SuicideSongs@CommunistDayCareCenter.Net. Next week we introduce the last Suicide Watch Song genre (for now), the self-loathing song.
That's right, I said FUCK IT!
I'm DONE, I'm Out!
and FUCK Y'All. I don't need you. You don't know me.
I don't need you. I'm fine on my own, 'casue Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr.
"Satan Is My Motor" by CAKE from Prolonging The Magic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksd_PKe-ex0
As I mentioned last time, this review has to do with the 'Devil May Care' genre of Suicide Song. It is obviously a departure from the previous songs but with good reason. I have designed the first four blog posts to mimic my own listening habits during depressive cycles. The first two are sometimes flipped, and this one and the next are sometimes flipped as well, but overall this is the progression. It starts with the fall into 'The Pit,' those depths that are hard to climb out from. When in those depths every small situation feels as though it is out of my control. A feeling of helplessness overcomes, a sense that every outcome is predetermined, and that I have no control over my own life. At that point I need to find some power in my life. I have to get some control of something. Then begins a stage fueled by an emotion so eloquently described this way by Mary Shelley; "If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear!"
"Satan Is My Motor" starts right off into the first verse with a verse of metaphor describing the protagonist of the song. "I've got wheels of solid steel. I've got tires that grab the road. I've got seats that selflessly hold my friend and a trunk that can carry the heaviest of loads." This verse describes how the character views himself in the world. He is the stalwart companion. He is virtuous, capable, and willing to help anyone at anytime. He views himself above all else the paradigm of the 'good guy.'
The pre-chorus then gives us an insight into the internal workings of the character's psyche. "I've got a mind that can steer me to your house, and a heart that can bring you red flowers." He has these parts of him that CAN do something, but Will he? Why does he? Why should he? "My intentions are good and earnest and true, but under my hood is internal combustion power, ..." I am a driven person. I have reasoning, and a thought process. I am cold and calculated.
"... and Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr."
I have seen many interpretations on this song. The most common one is that Satan in this case is the character's sex drive. In essence saying "I like you, and I do these things for you because I care for you, but my ultimate goal is to get in your pants." I believe that it goes deeper than that. Satan in this case is any selfish drive within him. His sex drive is only one aspect of this, not all of it. This is not 'selfish' in the way we tend to think of a 'selfish' being. We tend to associate selfishness with not only thinking of one's self, but also as though the guilty party was purposefully attempting to hurt others with their actions. That kind of accusation in itself is a selfish act by my definition. "You didn't even stop to think about ME did you?" is a statement made by one inherently looking out for their self. They're not really thinking about the benefit gained by the 'selfish' person.
"Satan is my motor. Hear my motor purr," is a vie for power, a scream from that hopeless person that they have power in this world. I AM in control of my life. I am driven, and if I so choose, none of you can stop me in my pursuits.
I believe that those we consider to be evil or bad people don't believe themselves to be. I don't believe that people do things just to be bad. No one wakes up in the morning and says "I'm going to be a bad person today." Behind every evil act is a good intention or hard decision. Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong, but as was once said by someone wiser than me "Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do." How does one reconcile with themselves in such a situation? The next line of the song says it all; "Satan is the only one who seems to understand."
The lyrics go on to describe the character's control of the situation. "I've got brakes. I'm wide awake. I can stop this car at anytime. At the very last second I can change direction, turn completely around, if I feel so inclined." The question that remains is to whom is the character talking. Is "I can stop this car at anytime" a father yelling at the kids in the backseat, iterating control of the situation, or is he the lifelong smoker that says "I can quit anytime I want to," the person that has made that hard decision and can't go back, someone afraid that they are out of control? We are left with the character arduously climbing the crumbling side of the pit with all their energy directed inwards because to do anything else guarantees that fall back into self destruction.
Musically, this does not feel like a 'Suicide Watch' song. I suppose that means it doesn't have the timbre, or chord progression, or it doesn't move at a tempo that could put one near weeping even if there were no words. In fact it does quite the opposite. This song, and most of CAKE's music would fit in quite easily on the dance floor. They are particularly hard to describe musically. They have a unique sound that a friend of mine aptly coined 'Cosmopolitan Pop.' They are certainly one of those bands that is more than the sum of their parts, and I would highly recommend them to any music listener.
Thanks again for reading and as always I look forward to comments and suggestions. You can either leave a comment on this page or email me at SuicideSongs@CommunistDayCareCenter.Net. Next week we introduce the last Suicide Watch Song genre (for now), the self-loathing song.
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