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Now we return, faithful and valiant readers, to complete our journey through The Antlers' Hospice
Hospice (Tracks 6-10), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=CE46CAF7437867A4
Thirteen, or Sylvia Speaks Ambient wash left over from Bear turns into waves, and then dissipates. After a moment of silence we realize we are in a large room with a piano as Sylvia pleads "Pull me out. Can't you stop all this from happening? Close the doors and keep them out." A harmony vocal is added for the second verse, but it feels more like it's a layering of repeated commands rather than a second person. "Dig me out. Couldn't you have kept all this from happening. Dig me out from under our house." Forgiving the prologue, this is the shortest song on the album, but it's the one that tells the most. It's the most important song on the album and the one that points out the elephant in the room.
What are we really talking about here? What are we really experiencing through this album? The album is not literally about a hospice worker and patient relationship, but rather a relationship through the guise of a hospice worker and patient. The cancer is the relationship, and it's symptoms the way that Sylvia behaves towards the protagonist, and even though our protagonist is trying as hard as he can to save Sylvia, and Sylvia wants nothing more than to be saved, there is no way out. The deeper our protagonist goes in, the more he loves Sylvia, but also the deeper he goes, the more he is poisoned. It is evident, that eventually, and through a lot of pain, that this will not work out.
Two, or I Would Have Saved Her If I Could Epiphanies feel like they come out of no where, even when you see all the steps. It's as though one is filling out a really good connect the dots picture where the picture is completely obscured until the last line is laid down. Ideas become cemented like stills from movies. click.
The first line of this song is "In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me 'Enough is enough.'" click. "He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted), and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear: That there was nothing I could do to save you, the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you." 'Something that I didn't know I wanted to hear.' click. 'There was nothing I could do to save you.' click. 'This thing is gonna kill you.' click, print, put it in a frame. It's not an easy realization. Our protagonist likens it to glass raining down on him opening up newly healed scars.
At this inopportune moment he hears Sylvia howling and goes to try to comfort her. Our accompaniment of guitar becomes more full, adding electric guitar and drums. She mentions a dream, a recollection, and then we get "Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head, now he greases them up." After this verse the texture thickens and we get more keys and guitar.
"Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping." Have you ever been the one not clapping? I've been the one not clapping more often than I'd like to admit. Unfortunately there's a kind of blinders that come with a relationship where one can't see things from the outside and they don't notice things get bad, or a sense of righteousness keeps pulling them back. As a friend, all you can do is watch and be there when they fall. A sampling of the following lyrics: "When we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. ...but I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected. I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes, I just held you in the door frame through all of the earthquakes." I took it. I took it, for you. Our protagonist is just as much to blame as Sylvia. He knows this is bad, but in some way he views it as noble to stay. Real men stick it out. This is my girl and I love her, so if this is what I have to do, this is what I have to do.
"But you packed up your clothes in that back every night, and I would grab at your ankles (what a pitiful sight.) But over a year, I stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do." And eventually there is no fight left. You just, move, and be. Exist, but at a slower pace. Things lose color, life loses energy. You're the one sick now.
The texture has grown bigger and bigger, but it breaks on the next verse which culminates on this lyric: "So there's no open doors, and there's way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two." The texture starts to build, including the addition of a second vocal to a verse about 'two.' "Two ways to tell the story. ...Two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry. ... Two people believing that I'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout. "
The texture approaches it's thickest as we enter the chorus/dreamscape from earlier in the song, and when that is finished, the song cuts on it's resolve and morphs into an ghostly reverb filled pair of moans slowly pulsing and dying.
Shiva, or Portacaths Switched A simple, distorted keyboard line characterizes "Shiva." By distorted I don't mean overdriven guitar style distortion, but a misrepresentation of the sound due to holes punched throughout until it barely represents its original self. Soon we are accompanied by guitar, piano, and drums in the cyclical 'three' feel.
"Suddenly every machine stopped at once, and the monitors beeped the last time. Hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine." The sickness finally got the best of us. "The bed was misshaped, and awkward and tall, and clearly intended for you."
"You checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. But you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. My hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. The sensation was scissors too much to scream, so instead, I just started to laugh."
Alone. Not that we weren't before, but now I am.
Wake, or Letting People In There is a reverence to this song. It feels like a hallowed secret. As listener we play the role of the priest in confession. In the distance we hear the choir, but right up to our ear we hear the whisper. Church is an accurate setting as well for this aptly titled tune, because the song has as much to do with waking up as it does with honoring the dead.
"With the door closed, shades drawn, the world shrinks. Let's open up those blinds." That same tunnel vision that keeps one from seeing the situation they are in, eventually closes them off from everything else. "Now that everyone's an enemy, my heart sinks. Let's put away those claws." Because I'm still the one to blame. I ruined everything, and I left. It's my burden. "It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin, because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in." I can apologize for everything that was out of my control. I can take the blame for something that someone else did. I just can't tell you why.
"Well you can come inside, unlock the door, take off your shoes, but this might take all night to explain to you I would have walked out those sliding doors, but the timing never seemed right." It never does, and would you have, really? "When your helicopter came and tried to lift me out, I put it's rope around my neck, and after that you didn't bother with the airlift or the rescue. You knew just what to expect." A true friend won't hang you, and while they'll try to dissuade you, they have to let you hang yourself. "We can't rely on photographs and visitation time, but I just don't know where to begin. I wanna bust down the door if you're willing to forgive. I've got the keys, I'm letting people in." A good friend will also come back, be there when it's time.
The music cuts back to a descending lament piano line with a feedback accompaniment. As we land, the ground feels unstable with low, dark chords, and we are given the morals of the album, a code by which to live, something to remember in troubled and trying times:
"Don't be scared to speak,
Don't speak with someone's tooth,
Don't bargain when you're weak,
Don't take that sharp abuse.
Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you."
The album builds to it's apex on with continuous repeat of the following statement
"Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that."
Epilogue, or Sylvia Alive In Nightmares In a recap of "Bear" we take a look at our protagonist after some time has passed. We find that he is haunted by his past with Sylvia. The second verse brings us into a nightmare. "So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital, but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue. Men and women in blue and white they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth. You're being buried to your neck in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now. I'm truing to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing." It never stops.
"I've woken up, I'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me. Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep. But I know better as my eyes adjust, You've been gone for quite awhile now, and I don't work there in the hospital, they had to let me go." Because I could no longer take care of hospice patients, could no longer be a grief mop, no longer pour everything into something that will leave me, and then haunt me."
..."But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep. Your face is up against mine, and I'm too terrified to speak. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing."
The music runs headlong into a beautifully overdriven and processed guitar line that slowly fades, and ...
There you have it, a precious, and dark, and painful view into the wounded mind of a man in an abusive relationship told through the heroic view of a hospice worker and his patient.
I hope you enjoyed this in depth look at a full album. We're quickly approaching the one year anniversary of suicide watch songs, and with any luck we'll be here again next November with another in depth analysis of a dark album. Please if you have anything to add feel free to comment here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new forum over at communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum, where I invite you to take your own interpretation of the bonus track from Hospice, "Sylvia, An Introduction"
Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7sinGefeOg
Lyrics: http://theantlershospice.blogspot.com/2008/06/lyrics.html
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
The Antlers, Hospice - Part I
November may be my favorite month. Fall has set in, it is a heavy time for heavy thought. We need to go deeper at this time of year. There needs to be more substance, more fuel for the fire to power us through. With this thought in mind, this month, and every November from this point on is going to take a look at not but a few measly songs, but a full Suicide Watch Album to be split up among the two post dates. For this inaugural installment we are going to look at the 2009 concept album Hospice by The Antlers
Hospice (Tracks 1-5), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=97A3A6DFC91721DA
The above playlist is of the first five songs off of the ten song album. The track titles are as follows:
1. Prologue
2. Kettering
3. Sylvia
4. Atrophy
5. Bear
I attempted to find interesting videos for the playlist. "Sylvia" and "Bear" are both official videos. "Prologue" and "Kettering" are fan made, and apparently no one has made a video yet for my favorite song of this half, "Atrophy"
You can download a PDF of the liner notes for the album direct from the band's website here: http://www.antlersmusic.com/linernotes.pdf This will help fill in the gaps as I do not plan to disect every lyric on the album.
The Antlers started as a solo project by New Yorker, Peter Silberman. Originally Silberman recorded and released multiple Antlers recordings by himself. In 2007 he started work on Hospice, in the process enlisting help from musicians Michael Lerner and Darby Cicci. Hospice was originally released by the band themselves, and then later picked up and rereleased by Frenchkiss Records. Since that time it has gone on to huge success. Today we will look at the first half of Silberman's concept album opus, Hospice.
1. Prologue What better time to give you some background information but at the prologue. If interpreted as though we trust our narrator, the lyrics decree Hospice as the tale of a the relationship between a hospice worker and his patient . The prologue does so much to help paint this picture. Knowing that we start in a medical setting, doesn't the prologue show us and enhance this image? Those warning bells and beeping monitors are all distorted by the low hum of machines, and echo down those hallways so white and clean while the fluorescent lighting feels like its pulsing and burning into ones head. It's a place so strong, yet so out of place, filled with those so frail, but so certain.
2. Kettering, or Bedside Manner "Kettering" follows our introduction and gives us some exposition regarding our backstory. It starts "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met that unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." A seemingly simple statement, but it can be taken a multitude of ways. What are we being hired for? Is the statement cut and dried, where one is hired for a job, or are we agreeing to something different, some ill-conceived plot, akin to a deal with the devil? What is the debt that our protagonist owed? What exactly is he making up for?
There is a low oscillating fuzz throughout the entire song, but I always notice it during the line "the singing morphine alarms out of tune keep you sleeping and even..." It is a strong statement only to be flipped in the next verse to "You make me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that there was no saving you." And we wait a moment, to then be plunged into a swirling depth of vocals, chords, drums, and noise, almost as if it took a while for the weight of that particular statement to hit us. The cacophony withdraws, but we are left feeling unresolved, and the song ends with a click, as though an effect was turned off on the recording, or maybe as though someone flipped a lightswitch and walked away.
3. Sylvia, or Sliding Curtains Shining Children's Heads "Sylvia" starts with more of those distorted, processed tones. At first we are led to believe that they are just noise, ambiance raised to the level of awareness, but the pitches start to change and move. Finally there is a musical cadence and resolution and we are certain that this is harmonic material. What Silberman has done here is crossed that line between the music and the story, causing us to be unsure of where one ends and the other begins.
Our protagonist enters apologizing but uncertain of what he has done wrong. He tells Sylvia "You swing first." As the alarms fade into synth chords he begs "Let me do my job." We are then hit forcefully by the full band, and our protagonist yelling and pleading "Sylvia get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing. Remind me again how everyone betrayed you." We now understand that anger and resentment from Sylvia, and cowering and placation from our protagonist is the normal interaction between these two. The yelling stops, but the music continues. There is some kind of resolution, but there is still all this energy in the air, and then you hear buried beneath it all a hidden melodic phrase echoing and mirroring the chorus, like repeating the argument in your head. A calming verse follows, and then another chorus. After the chorus this time we get the same continuance as before, but this time with a harmonized horn line repeating the argument.
The music breaks apart and we're lost in free time with trickling noises that sound lost somewhere between rain, glass, and snow. The chorus comes back with a whisper and a light strum on the guitar and quietly as it started the song ends.
4. Atrophy, or Rings Ill-fitting is a song of introspection, and in that our protagonist sees that he is making his decisions while walking on eggshells around Sylvia. "You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders. You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders. I've been repeating your speeches, but the audience just doesn't follow. Because I've been leaving out words, punctuation, and it sounds pretty hollow." The audience doesn't get it, they don't understand. Who is this audience? Friends? relatives? It's everyone. Everyone thinks he's crazy for sticking around.
"Little porcelain figurines, glass bullets you shot at the wall. Threats of castration for crimes you imagine when I miss your call." Accusations of things that are so far from the truth. He's willing to do anything you ask, but he must be hurting you in someway, right? "With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer." They're married, and now for the most selfless lyric on the album, the proof of our protagonist's intention, and maybe also an insight into their psyche and why they would remain in such a bad situation "I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself."
The song builds and eventually breaks into a reverbative fuzz. From that we come back once again to the solo singer with acoustic guitar "Someone, oh anyone, tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness. I'm freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her. No one's gonna come as long as I lay in bed beside her. " That's right, our protagonist has to get out of that bed himself. No one will come and help him, and if she is alone, then there is a reason for it.
5. Bear, or Children Become Their Parents Become Their Children In brilliant text painting, "Bear" opens up with an dreamy sounding electric piano playing with the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle," hiding it just enough to make it not quite the familiar lullaby. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within. He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him. We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know, " I love the juxtaposition of the light, happy music, to the dark emotional subject matter of abortion.
The verse finishes and the full band comes in with the chorus of "We're too old. We're not old at all. Just too old. We're not old at all." Like a difference in perspective. Which one of them feels old? Which doesn't? Are they starting to realize how different they are?
The chorus resolves back to the minimalistic verse. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking you for weeks, and if this isn't all a dream, well then we'll cut him from beneath. Well we're not scared of making caves, or finding food for him to eat. We're terrified of one another, terrified of what that means." We're not scared of terminating the pregnancy, or of taking care of the child, we are afraid of being parents, and more so, how the other will parent. "But we'll make only quick decisions, and you'll just keep me in the waiting room, and all the while I'll know we're fucked, and not getting unfucked soon." This is it. This is the event to tear us apart. "When we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before. You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor." We enter another chorus which builds and builds until...
I know, it's a horrible way to leave off. The final resolution is the first hit of the next track. (That is if you're listening to the album version, the video hits it.) Anywho, I suppose we'll have to wait. Come back on the fifteenth to see what happens, same Suicide Watch, same Suicide channel.
As always, feel free to comment here or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
Hospice (Tracks 1-5), by The Antlers
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=97A3A6DFC91721DA
The above playlist is of the first five songs off of the ten song album. The track titles are as follows:
1. Prologue
2. Kettering
3. Sylvia
4. Atrophy
5. Bear
I attempted to find interesting videos for the playlist. "Sylvia" and "Bear" are both official videos. "Prologue" and "Kettering" are fan made, and apparently no one has made a video yet for my favorite song of this half, "Atrophy"
You can download a PDF of the liner notes for the album direct from the band's website here: http://www.antlersmusic.com/linernotes.pdf This will help fill in the gaps as I do not plan to disect every lyric on the album.
The Antlers started as a solo project by New Yorker, Peter Silberman. Originally Silberman recorded and released multiple Antlers recordings by himself. In 2007 he started work on Hospice, in the process enlisting help from musicians Michael Lerner and Darby Cicci. Hospice was originally released by the band themselves, and then later picked up and rereleased by Frenchkiss Records. Since that time it has gone on to huge success. Today we will look at the first half of Silberman's concept album opus, Hospice.
1. Prologue What better time to give you some background information but at the prologue. If interpreted as though we trust our narrator, the lyrics decree Hospice as the tale of a the relationship between a hospice worker and his patient . The prologue does so much to help paint this picture. Knowing that we start in a medical setting, doesn't the prologue show us and enhance this image? Those warning bells and beeping monitors are all distorted by the low hum of machines, and echo down those hallways so white and clean while the fluorescent lighting feels like its pulsing and burning into ones head. It's a place so strong, yet so out of place, filled with those so frail, but so certain.
2. Kettering, or Bedside Manner "Kettering" follows our introduction and gives us some exposition regarding our backstory. It starts "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met that unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." A seemingly simple statement, but it can be taken a multitude of ways. What are we being hired for? Is the statement cut and dried, where one is hired for a job, or are we agreeing to something different, some ill-conceived plot, akin to a deal with the devil? What is the debt that our protagonist owed? What exactly is he making up for?
There is a low oscillating fuzz throughout the entire song, but I always notice it during the line "the singing morphine alarms out of tune keep you sleeping and even..." It is a strong statement only to be flipped in the next verse to "You make me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that there was no saving you." And we wait a moment, to then be plunged into a swirling depth of vocals, chords, drums, and noise, almost as if it took a while for the weight of that particular statement to hit us. The cacophony withdraws, but we are left feeling unresolved, and the song ends with a click, as though an effect was turned off on the recording, or maybe as though someone flipped a lightswitch and walked away.
3. Sylvia, or Sliding Curtains Shining Children's Heads "Sylvia" starts with more of those distorted, processed tones. At first we are led to believe that they are just noise, ambiance raised to the level of awareness, but the pitches start to change and move. Finally there is a musical cadence and resolution and we are certain that this is harmonic material. What Silberman has done here is crossed that line between the music and the story, causing us to be unsure of where one ends and the other begins.
Our protagonist enters apologizing but uncertain of what he has done wrong. He tells Sylvia "You swing first." As the alarms fade into synth chords he begs "Let me do my job." We are then hit forcefully by the full band, and our protagonist yelling and pleading "Sylvia get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing. Remind me again how everyone betrayed you." We now understand that anger and resentment from Sylvia, and cowering and placation from our protagonist is the normal interaction between these two. The yelling stops, but the music continues. There is some kind of resolution, but there is still all this energy in the air, and then you hear buried beneath it all a hidden melodic phrase echoing and mirroring the chorus, like repeating the argument in your head. A calming verse follows, and then another chorus. After the chorus this time we get the same continuance as before, but this time with a harmonized horn line repeating the argument.
The music breaks apart and we're lost in free time with trickling noises that sound lost somewhere between rain, glass, and snow. The chorus comes back with a whisper and a light strum on the guitar and quietly as it started the song ends.
4. Atrophy, or Rings Ill-fitting is a song of introspection, and in that our protagonist sees that he is making his decisions while walking on eggshells around Sylvia. "You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders. You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders. I've been repeating your speeches, but the audience just doesn't follow. Because I've been leaving out words, punctuation, and it sounds pretty hollow." The audience doesn't get it, they don't understand. Who is this audience? Friends? relatives? It's everyone. Everyone thinks he's crazy for sticking around.
"Little porcelain figurines, glass bullets you shot at the wall. Threats of castration for crimes you imagine when I miss your call." Accusations of things that are so far from the truth. He's willing to do anything you ask, but he must be hurting you in someway, right? "With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer." They're married, and now for the most selfless lyric on the album, the proof of our protagonist's intention, and maybe also an insight into their psyche and why they would remain in such a bad situation "I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself."
The song builds and eventually breaks into a reverbative fuzz. From that we come back once again to the solo singer with acoustic guitar "Someone, oh anyone, tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness. I'm freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her. No one's gonna come as long as I lay in bed beside her. " That's right, our protagonist has to get out of that bed himself. No one will come and help him, and if she is alone, then there is a reason for it.
5. Bear, or Children Become Their Parents Become Their Children In brilliant text painting, "Bear" opens up with an dreamy sounding electric piano playing with the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle," hiding it just enough to make it not quite the familiar lullaby. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within. He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him. We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know, " I love the juxtaposition of the light, happy music, to the dark emotional subject matter of abortion.
The verse finishes and the full band comes in with the chorus of "We're too old. We're not old at all. Just too old. We're not old at all." Like a difference in perspective. Which one of them feels old? Which doesn't? Are they starting to realize how different they are?
The chorus resolves back to the minimalistic verse. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking you for weeks, and if this isn't all a dream, well then we'll cut him from beneath. Well we're not scared of making caves, or finding food for him to eat. We're terrified of one another, terrified of what that means." We're not scared of terminating the pregnancy, or of taking care of the child, we are afraid of being parents, and more so, how the other will parent. "But we'll make only quick decisions, and you'll just keep me in the waiting room, and all the while I'll know we're fucked, and not getting unfucked soon." This is it. This is the event to tear us apart. "When we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before. You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor." We enter another chorus which builds and builds until...
I know, it's a horrible way to leave off. The final resolution is the first hit of the next track. (That is if you're listening to the album version, the video hits it.) Anywho, I suppose we'll have to wait. Come back on the fifteenth to see what happens, same Suicide Watch, same Suicide channel.
As always, feel free to comment here or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
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