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This installment's song is one of the tunes that made me realize that I really liked sad songs. With a handful of others, when I first heard it many years ago, it reached right in and opened a tap within me that has yet to be shut off. I recently came across what I assume is a demo version of the song on You Tube and immediately decided it must make this installment of Suicide Watch Songs.
"Alone" by Ben Harper from Burn To Shine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMznBR_gTvY
The version actually from Burn To Shine can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwQVt9PM2ho.
(Note that the background card is the cover for his following studio album Diamonds On The Inside. I am uncertain of the origin of the version I have posted, but would love to find out if anyone knows.)
"Alone" is a lament, a lament for one's self. It is a desparate cry for help from a man far gone. The ciclical triplet based time and minor chord progression give one a feel of spiralling down and away. I believe that this demo version fits the material of the song much better than the album version. It's one guy and a guitar. His voice is soft, almost a whisper, and even the tape hiss connotates a guy by himself in a room with a cassette deck. The album version hides so much of what the song is all about. For instance, the instrumentation is so thick that the wailing at the beginning is barely audible, and the polyrhytmic drumbeat pulls away from that spiralling feeling. Besides, it's pretty hard to claim to be alone when you're surrounded by three other dudes.
"This empty room it fils my mind." Already we are confronted with a staggering reality. It's not just that our protaganist is obsessing over his separation. He views his mind, and himself, as empty as the room he is in. "Freedom, it leaves me confined." The emptiness leaves him with no guide. When one can do anything, where does one start? Our protaganist is so unsure that he is crushed by possibility. "Every single bone has cracked, but in this life you can't turn back." There is no support left. I cannot stand on my own, and there is no way to endure or return. "I don't want to live. I don't want to live here alone." I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how to get there, and I'll never survive on my own.
We continue, "As these words part with my tounge I question why they're even sung." Our protaganist can no longer determine their reason for doing things. There is no purpose in any action anymore. "I promise but I lie, I don't even know myself inside." No purpose, no goal, no drive, these things make it extremely hard to have a sense of self, which in turn makes it extremely hard to have purpose, goal, and drive. I used to be a person. I used to have these things. What happened?
A slight lyrical change in the chorus to "I don't want to be here alone" brings us to the final verse. "Today and tommorrow have become one." There is unforseen weight in this lyric. It does not imply that the days are strung together and timeless. It implies that tommorrow is going to be just like today, that nothing ever changes, and that attempts to make things better are futile. It's a projection of nothing but emptiness and lonliness to come. "Human nature is a beast, what I've done the most to show I have the least." The quest to be meek has gone to the extreme. To reduce ego, to reject acknowledgement of accomplishment, to appear empty has given way for the need to be empty. Overall this leaves him without the equipment to climb out of the hole by himself.
The final chorus then gets angry. "Please don't leave me here. Don't you leave me alone." It's more of a desparate begging than any kind of demand. The song abruptly ends after that, and we are left to wonder if our protaganist ever made it, or if he's still alone.
As always feel free to comment or leave suggestions either on this blog or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net. Make sure you come back November first for the biggest undertaking this blog has ever undertaken. Faithfull readers, you will not be disappointed.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Am I Ever Gonna Change?
Ah, a waltz down memory lane. The year is 1993. I am 12 years old. I've been an active listener of music for maybe a year or so at this point, probably less. I am enthralled by rock radio. For a hot minute there is a hit by a band I've never heard of, that bends my ear every time it comes on the air. It's got a violin solo for the intro followed by a big thick rock guitar. I would have immediately noticed the Jimi Hendrix influence, if it weren't for the fact that I didn't start listening to Hendrix for another year and a half or so. The song was "Rest In Peace" of course, by the band Extreme.
I'm not sure where or when I got the album. It was either a birthday or christmas present, as I didn't yet have an allowance with which to buy things. It is titled III Sides To Every Story, and it is broken down into three sections: 'Yours', 'Mine', and 'The Truth'. I absolutely love this album. It is a concept album at the time that I needed a concept album, before I even knew what a concept album was. 'Yours' is a section of heavier songs. Extreme, a band that describes their sound as "Funky Metal", is one of those bands that got known for something that they really weren't. Their big hit was the song "More Than Words," a cheesy rock ballad from the album previous to this one. The song was a double edged sword for the band because it made them popular, but misrepresented them at the same time. It's very hard to sell this album when you mention it to people and their reaction is "You mean that band that did 'More Than Words?'" I'd put money on at least one reader having that reaction right now.
The next section, 'Mine', is a section of those acoustic rock, kind of ballady songs. There are some love songs, and some introspective tunes. If one looks at 'Yours' as being an angry young man shouting at all the injustice he sees, 'Mine' is where he turns introspective and looks at himself and his interpersonal relationships. 'The Truth' is the real payoff of this album. It is the culmination and is a three movement suite called Everything Under The Sun. When I first got this album this final section was my least favorite. I didn't care much for 'Mine' either. I was a kid, into loud guitars. For a time, as I got older, I grew to like the 'Mine' section the best. Now, as a weathered music listener, I like 'The Truth' the best. I love the intertwining ideas, melodic fragments that come together and split apart, reharmonize, and hit one from out of nowhere. The center piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Am I Ever Gonna Change" is an epic and tumultuous look into the the protagonist's turbulent inner workings.
"Am I Ever Gonna Change" by Extreme from III Sides To Every Story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCv3h34K2kw
The song fades in with a driving beat and a clean echoed guitar. It's a very ordinary, average feel. Everything is ok, we're maintaining, we're getting by ok. But, "I'm tired of being me, and I don't like what I see." Like that second voice in one's head always does, it answers. "I'm not who I appear to be." Continuing is our protagonist's first voice "So I start off every day down on my knees. I will pray for a change in any way, but as the days go by I live through another lie, if it's any wonder why."
Suddenly the song changes. It is instantly darker, heavier both in tone and in content. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? IF SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." There is space between the phrases. Not just in the vocals, but within the rest of the band as well. There is space to let such big questions and bold statements resonate. The song continues in an interlude depicting these ideas wrestling in the mind and then comes back with more of the same questions. There has been no easy resolve of this question. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WILL I ALWAYS STAY THE SAME? IF I SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER, SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." Pause for a moment and really listen to the vocal harmonies in here. They're such a tense chord sitting in the mix the way they do. This band had tremendous vocal power. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WELL I'M THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME. IF I THINK I'M RIGHT, I END UP WRONG. IT'S A FUTILE FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG.
We transition out of this dark period and back into the lighter section as we start to grab for answers to this issue. "Please tell me if it's true. Am I too old to start anew? 'Cause that's what I want to do. But time and time again, when I think I can I fall short in the end. So why do I even try? Will it matter when I die? Can anyone hear my cry?" With this lyric we are plunged back into the darkness. The chorus repeats as it was before. From here we enter another interlude and then a bridge to the song in which we hear a priest speaking in Latin. I read once that he is reading 'The Sermon On The Mount," but I am unable to confirm. (If someone can I would love to know.) This would make sense because the album is laden with religious imagery. Continuing on, we pull into some guitar licks that seem to be battling against the rhythm guitar, and from there into the final chorus with some changes. Notably; "IF I THINK I'M RIGHT I WIND UP WRONG. IT'S A FUCKING FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG." "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? I TAKE IT DAY BY DAY. MY WILL IS WEAK AND MY FLESH IS STRONG. PEACE I SEEK 'TILL THY KINGDOM COME."
In exit the song breaks down to the light section and fades into the final piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Who Cares?" That's an apt sentiment. One could interpret the entire album not as a situation as that story with three sides, but as a person. Yours mine and the truth are all facets of a single person. The album climaxes with the person's struggle to find the truth, to know that they are wrong and want to change. Do they make it? Maybe, Maybe not, but tell me "Who Cares?" It doesn't matter if you've changed or not. It doesn't matter if you make a difference. It doesn't matter what you do. Nobody cares.
I urge you all to check this album out. If you are interested in listening to the other sections of Everything Under The Sun here are the links to the first and third parts
"Rise and Shine" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhlcFJynCvY
"Who Cares?" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXOpLiQrAgE
Please feel free to comment, and/or leave suggestions, below, or email me at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
I'm not sure where or when I got the album. It was either a birthday or christmas present, as I didn't yet have an allowance with which to buy things. It is titled III Sides To Every Story, and it is broken down into three sections: 'Yours', 'Mine', and 'The Truth'. I absolutely love this album. It is a concept album at the time that I needed a concept album, before I even knew what a concept album was. 'Yours' is a section of heavier songs. Extreme, a band that describes their sound as "Funky Metal", is one of those bands that got known for something that they really weren't. Their big hit was the song "More Than Words," a cheesy rock ballad from the album previous to this one. The song was a double edged sword for the band because it made them popular, but misrepresented them at the same time. It's very hard to sell this album when you mention it to people and their reaction is "You mean that band that did 'More Than Words?'" I'd put money on at least one reader having that reaction right now.
The next section, 'Mine', is a section of those acoustic rock, kind of ballady songs. There are some love songs, and some introspective tunes. If one looks at 'Yours' as being an angry young man shouting at all the injustice he sees, 'Mine' is where he turns introspective and looks at himself and his interpersonal relationships. 'The Truth' is the real payoff of this album. It is the culmination and is a three movement suite called Everything Under The Sun. When I first got this album this final section was my least favorite. I didn't care much for 'Mine' either. I was a kid, into loud guitars. For a time, as I got older, I grew to like the 'Mine' section the best. Now, as a weathered music listener, I like 'The Truth' the best. I love the intertwining ideas, melodic fragments that come together and split apart, reharmonize, and hit one from out of nowhere. The center piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Am I Ever Gonna Change" is an epic and tumultuous look into the the protagonist's turbulent inner workings.
"Am I Ever Gonna Change" by Extreme from III Sides To Every Story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCv3h34K2kw
The song fades in with a driving beat and a clean echoed guitar. It's a very ordinary, average feel. Everything is ok, we're maintaining, we're getting by ok. But, "I'm tired of being me, and I don't like what I see." Like that second voice in one's head always does, it answers. "I'm not who I appear to be." Continuing is our protagonist's first voice "So I start off every day down on my knees. I will pray for a change in any way, but as the days go by I live through another lie, if it's any wonder why."
Suddenly the song changes. It is instantly darker, heavier both in tone and in content. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? IF SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." There is space between the phrases. Not just in the vocals, but within the rest of the band as well. There is space to let such big questions and bold statements resonate. The song continues in an interlude depicting these ideas wrestling in the mind and then comes back with more of the same questions. There has been no easy resolve of this question. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WILL I ALWAYS STAY THE SAME? IF I SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER, SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." Pause for a moment and really listen to the vocal harmonies in here. They're such a tense chord sitting in the mix the way they do. This band had tremendous vocal power. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WELL I'M THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME. IF I THINK I'M RIGHT, I END UP WRONG. IT'S A FUTILE FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG.
We transition out of this dark period and back into the lighter section as we start to grab for answers to this issue. "Please tell me if it's true. Am I too old to start anew? 'Cause that's what I want to do. But time and time again, when I think I can I fall short in the end. So why do I even try? Will it matter when I die? Can anyone hear my cry?" With this lyric we are plunged back into the darkness. The chorus repeats as it was before. From here we enter another interlude and then a bridge to the song in which we hear a priest speaking in Latin. I read once that he is reading 'The Sermon On The Mount," but I am unable to confirm. (If someone can I would love to know.) This would make sense because the album is laden with religious imagery. Continuing on, we pull into some guitar licks that seem to be battling against the rhythm guitar, and from there into the final chorus with some changes. Notably; "IF I THINK I'M RIGHT I WIND UP WRONG. IT'S A FUCKING FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG." "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? I TAKE IT DAY BY DAY. MY WILL IS WEAK AND MY FLESH IS STRONG. PEACE I SEEK 'TILL THY KINGDOM COME."
In exit the song breaks down to the light section and fades into the final piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Who Cares?" That's an apt sentiment. One could interpret the entire album not as a situation as that story with three sides, but as a person. Yours mine and the truth are all facets of a single person. The album climaxes with the person's struggle to find the truth, to know that they are wrong and want to change. Do they make it? Maybe, Maybe not, but tell me "Who Cares?" It doesn't matter if you've changed or not. It doesn't matter if you make a difference. It doesn't matter what you do. Nobody cares.
I urge you all to check this album out. If you are interested in listening to the other sections of Everything Under The Sun here are the links to the first and third parts
"Rise and Shine" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhlcFJynCvY
"Who Cares?" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXOpLiQrAgE
Please feel free to comment, and/or leave suggestions, below, or email me at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net
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