Alone

This installment's song is one of the tunes that made me realize that I really liked sad songs. With a handful of others, when I first heard it many years ago, it reached right in and opened a tap within me that has yet to be shut off. I recently came across what I assume is a demo version of the song on You Tube and immediately decided it must make this installment of Suicide Watch Songs.

"Alone" by Ben Harper from Burn To Shine



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMznBR_gTvY

The version actually from Burn To Shine can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwQVt9PM2ho.
(Note that the background card is the cover for his following studio album Diamonds On The Inside. I am uncertain of the origin of the version I have posted, but would love to find out if anyone knows.) 

"Alone" is a lament, a lament for one's self. It is a desparate cry for help from a man  far gone. The ciclical triplet based time and minor chord progression give one a feel of spiralling down and away. I believe that this demo version fits the material of the song much better than the album version. It's one guy and a guitar. His voice is soft, almost a whisper, and even the tape hiss connotates a guy by himself in a room with a cassette deck. The album version hides so much of what the song is all about. For instance, the instrumentation is so thick that the wailing at the beginning is barely audible, and the polyrhytmic drumbeat pulls away from that spiralling feeling. Besides, it's pretty hard to claim to be alone when you're surrounded by three other dudes.   

"This empty room it fils my mind." Already we are confronted with a staggering reality. It's not just that our protaganist is obsessing over his separation. He views his mind, and himself, as empty as the room he is in. "Freedom, it leaves me confined." The emptiness leaves him with no guide. When one can do anything, where does one start? Our protaganist is so unsure that he is crushed by possibility. "Every single bone has cracked, but in this life you can't turn back." There is no support left. I cannot stand on my own, and there is no way to endure or return. "I don't want to live. I don't want to live here alone." I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how to get there, and I'll never survive on my own.

We continue,  "As these words part with my tounge I question why they're even sung." Our protaganist can no longer determine their reason for doing things. There is no purpose in any action anymore. "I promise but I lie, I don't even know myself inside." No purpose, no goal, no drive, these things make it extremely hard to have a sense of self, which in turn makes it extremely hard to have purpose, goal, and drive. I used to be a person. I used to have these things. What happened?

A slight lyrical change in the chorus to "I don't want to be here alone" brings us to the final verse. "Today and tommorrow have become one." There is unforseen weight in this lyric. It does not imply that the days are strung together and timeless. It implies that tommorrow is going to be just like today, that nothing ever changes, and that attempts to make things better are futile. It's a projection of nothing but emptiness and lonliness to come. "Human nature is a beast, what I've done the most to show I have the least." The quest to be meek has gone to the extreme. To reduce ego, to reject acknowledgement of accomplishment, to appear empty has given way for the need to be empty. Overall this leaves him without the equipment to climb out of the hole by himself.

The final chorus then gets angry. "Please don't leave me here. Don't you leave me alone." It's more of a desparate begging than any kind of demand. The song abruptly ends after that, and we are left to wonder if our protaganist ever made it, or if he's still alone.

As always feel free to comment or leave suggestions either on this blog or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net. Make sure you come back November first for the biggest undertaking this blog has ever undertaken. Faithfull readers, you will not be disappointed.