I'm The Ocean

It was summer 1995, and I was 14 years old when I walked into that Blockbuster Music store. Blockbuster was the first local music store to have a decent setup of listening stations. By local I mean near me and by decent setup I mean that there were stations with music already set up so I didn't have to get that annoyed stare from the guy at the counter when he had to open a new record just so that some kid with no money could listen to it and not buy it. The new collaboration between Pearl Jam and Neil Young, Mirror Ball, had just come out. Speaking as a child of the nineties I was already a big Pearl Jam fan, and Kurt Cobain's suicide note from the previous year had let me in on who Neil Young was. I bellied up to the listening station, put on the headphones, and hit play. That was it. That was the moment I knew that I loved music.

That first song completely surrounded me. It swept me into another world. It changed my life. It was the first time that I  needed to own an album. I knew there was no way that I could leave that store without that album. I don't remember how much it cost, but I remember it literally took every dollar I had in the world. I walked out of that store with a handful of change and my first copy of Neil Young's Mirror Ball.

"I'm The Ocean" by Neil Young from Mirror Ball




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt98mHPI4mo

Note: There is no studio cut of "I'm The Ocean" available on YouTube. I would have uploaded it myself, but this live version really captures the essence of the song extremely well. However, some of the lyrics are different and misplaced. Here is a link to the studio recorded lyrics: http://www.thrasherswheat.org/fot/lyrics-ito.htm


"I'm The Ocean" is the song I was scheduled to be reviewed last time to fill out my fourth genre, the self-loathing suicide song, before current events made the last entry more important. This song was my personal anthem throughout high school and remains one of my favorite songs to this day. "I'm The Ocean" is classic Neil Young. It's a long story song that musically consists of the same four chords and same vocal melody repeated over and over again. The studio cut is seven minutes long and the one I've supplied you is nine, yet it is incredibly engaging. No one else can continuously build that kind of song for that amount of time and not only keep one interested, but also build one's excitement the way that Neil Young can. We never get bored because Young never gets bored.

There are way too many lyrics to do a breakdown of them all, so I am going to take a look at a few as the song progresses.The song starts with "I'm an accident," is this metaphor or fact? Is our character like an accident, or is he making an idiomatic reference to being the result of an unwanted pregnancy, as though he's not supposed to be here? "I was driving way too fast. Couldn't stop though, so I let the moment last." I am error, but there's nothing I can do about it; The metaphorical 'meh.'

"People my age, they don't do the things I do," I'm different. "They go somewhere," which I don't know about because I'm different, "while I run away with you.I've got my friends, and I've got my children too. I've got her love. She's got my love too." Ah, a glimmer of hope. Our character has people close to him, he's not a crazed loner.

Skip a few verses to "On the long plain see the rider in the night. See the chieftain, see the braves in cool moonlight. Who will love them when they take another life? Who will hold them when they tremble from the knife?" There are multiple aspects to everyone, not just the way you see them or the way they project themselves. It may be behind closed doors, but the valiant fighter needs his time to be scared, he needs space to be weak. It is hard work to be strong. It is mentally taxing and one needs to recover.

"Homeless heroes walk the streets of their hometowns, rows of zeros on a field thats turning brown. They play baseball. They play football under lights. They play card games, and we watch them every night." Some people can't reconcile with their past. Some people live inside their glory days forever, and some people let them.

The last verse: "I'm not present. I'm a drug that makes you dream. I'm an aerostar. I'm a cutlass supreme. In the wrong lane trying to turn against the flow. I'm the ocean. I'm the giant undertow." I am a huge force, but I am disconnected. I am of my own will, which is askew from yours. I don't belong here. I don't fit in here. I am spiraling out and if you don't keep your distance I will drag you down.

As always I would love comments or suggestions. Leave them here or email them to me at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net