Charlie Darwin

Oh My God, Life is cold and formless. Oh My God, it's all around.

The Low Anthem was formed in 2006 by Ben Knox Miller and Jeffery Prystowsky met as DJ's at Brown University's WBRU radio station in 2006. After the recording, well kind of during the recording of their first album they added clarinetist Jocie Adams. The band put out their first two albums, What the Crow Brings, and Oh My God, Charlie Darwin on their own. Recently the band signed to Nonesuch records, who have rerelased OMGCD and are going to put out The Low Anthem's next album Smart Flesh in February of 2011. Today we're going to look at the lead off track from The Low Anthem's second album, "Charlie Darwin"

"Charlie Darwin" by The Low Anthem from Oh My God, Charlie Darwin



My good friends will tell you that when I see a movie I really like for the first time, that I make huge extreme statements like "That's the best movie I've ever seen." Keeping that in mind, I truly think that this is the best music video I have ever seen. Besides the fact that I am a sucker for claymation, I can't think of a video that more adequately says exactly what the song is about. Don't believe me? Watch it with the sound off.

"Set the sails, I feel the winds a'stirring. Toward the bright horizon set the way. Cast your wreckless dreams upon our Mayflower, haven from the world and her decay."
I am young and idealistic. The world is at my command, and though there is so much wrong, and so much falling apart, I can leave that. I have the power to set my sails, take my own Mayflower towards that brighter horizon. I choose to rise out of the rubble and set sail for friendlier waters.

The vocals are so beautiful in this song. They sit so soundly in their sonic space. I feel like I'm in a cathedral, but I'm listening to folk music, not church music. The blend between the organ and the background vocals is so smooth that I don't know where one starts and the other ends.

"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin, fighting for a system built to fail, spooning water from their broken vessels. As far as I can see there is no land." Only a fool would fight for something foolish. Why would a man stand for such crazy ideas.

"Oh my God, the water's all around us. Oh my God, it's all around." It's a realization. There has been a fundamental change in the protagonists world view. His world has flooded and the world he remembered has been buried by water. His landscape is completely different now, and he has to rationalize the person he is within this new world.

"And who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin. The lords of war just profit from decay, and trade their children's promise for the jingle the way we trade our hard earned time for pay." What a lyric. 'The lords of war just profit from decay' Men are driven to destroy for their own gain. 'And trade their children's promise,' their children's world. The place that we are supposed to leave better for others. That which we have promised our children. "The way we trade our hard earned time for pay.' Hard earned time, not hard earned pay. One works for time, for freedom, not monetary gain, but we all need monetary gain to support time. Life is hard, and as much as one would like to, we often cannot live within our ideals.

"Oh my God, the water's cold and shapeless. Oh my God, it's all around." The world has changed. I am not living in the same place. Am I even the same person? How can I claim to be? "Oh my God, Life is cold and formless. Oh my God, it's all around." What a dichotomy. Life is cold and formless, but we're surrounded by it. Something that had meaning, now has no meaning. Wait, that can't be right. It has meaning, but a different meaning. What is that meaning and is it important? Do I have meaning anymore? Am I important?

Like Sparklehorse's "It's A Wonderful Life," I knew from the second I heard this song that I wanted to do an analysis of it, but I couldn't pinpoint why it fit. One could listen to this song and only grab the idealogical battle between evolutionists and creationists, but the roots of this song go much deeper. It is about a man that has his world turned upside down. He no longer understands the world around him, or his place in it. A persons' self image is justified by the world around them, and thus, as the world around him changes, he himself changes. If a man's world changes so much that he no longer recognizes it, then he no longer recognizes himself either.

Thanks once again for reading. Feel free to leave comments here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new 'Dictatorship of the Proletariat' Forum at CommunistDayCareCenter.net. We've had some issues due to the jerks of the interwebs, so now you have to register to post, but we'd love to have you as part of the CDCC family.

The Antlers - Hospice, Pt. II

Now we return, faithful and valiant readers, to complete our journey through The Antlers' Hospice

Hospice (Tracks 6-10), by The Antlers


http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=CE46CAF7437867A4
 
Thirteen, or Sylvia Speaks Ambient wash left over from Bear turns into waves, and then dissipates. After a moment of silence we realize we are in a large room with a piano as Sylvia pleads "Pull me out. Can't you stop all this from happening? Close the doors and keep them out." A harmony vocal is added for the second verse, but it feels more like it's a layering of repeated commands rather than a second person. "Dig me out. Couldn't you have kept all this from happening. Dig me out from under our house." Forgiving the prologue, this is the shortest song on the album, but it's the one that tells the most. It's the most important song on the album and the one that points out the elephant in the room.

What are we really talking about here? What are we really experiencing through this album? The album is not literally about a hospice worker and patient relationship, but rather a relationship through the guise of a hospice worker and patient. The cancer is the relationship, and it's symptoms the way that Sylvia behaves towards the protagonist, and even though our protagonist is trying as hard as he can to save Sylvia, and Sylvia wants nothing more than to be saved, there is no way out. The deeper our protagonist goes in, the more he loves Sylvia, but also the deeper he goes, the more he is poisoned. It is evident, that eventually, and through a lot of pain, that this will not work out.

Two, or I Would Have Saved Her If I Could Epiphanies feel like they come out of no where, even when you see all the steps. It's as though one is filling out a really good connect the dots picture where the picture is completely obscured until the last line is laid down. Ideas become cemented like stills from movies. click.

The first line of this song is "In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me 'Enough is enough.'" click. "He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted), and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear: That there was nothing I could do to save you, the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you." 'Something that I didn't know I wanted to hear.' click. 'There was nothing I could do to save you.' click. 'This thing is gonna kill you.' click, print, put it in a frame. It's not an easy realization. Our protagonist likens it to glass raining down on him opening up newly healed scars.

At this inopportune moment he hears Sylvia howling and goes to try to comfort her. Our accompaniment of guitar becomes more full, adding electric guitar and drums. She mentions a dream, a recollection, and then we get "Daddy was an asshole, he fucked you up, built the gears in your head, now he greases them up." After this verse the texture thickens and we get more keys and guitar.

"Tell me when you think that we became so unhappy, wearing silver rings with nobody clapping." Have you ever been the one not clapping? I've been the one not clapping more often than I'd like to admit. Unfortunately there's a kind of blinders that come with a relationship where one can't see things from the outside and they don't notice things get bad, or a sense of righteousness keeps pulling them back. As a friend, all you can do is watch and be there when they fall. A sampling of the following lyrics: "When we moved here together we were so disappointed, sleeping out of tune with our dreams disjointed. ...but I didn't mind the things you threw, the phones I deflected. I didn't mind you blaming me for your mistakes, I just held you in the door frame through all of the earthquakes." I took it. I took it, for you. Our protagonist is just as much to blame as Sylvia. He knows this is bad, but in some way he views it as noble to stay. Real men stick it out. This is my girl and I love her, so if this is what I have to do, this is what I have to do.

"But you packed up your clothes in that back every night, and I would grab at your ankles (what a pitiful sight.) But over a year, I stopped trying to stop you from stomping out that door, coming back like you always do." And eventually there is no fight left. You just, move, and be. Exist, but at a slower pace. Things lose color, life loses energy. You're the one sick now.

The texture has grown bigger and bigger, but it breaks on the next verse which culminates on this lyric: "So there's no open doors, and there's way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two." The texture starts to build, including the addition of a second vocal to a verse about 'two.' "Two ways to tell the story. ...Two silver rings on our fingers in a hurry. ... Two people believing that I'm the one to blame, two different voices coming out of your mouth, while I'm too cold to care and too sick to shout. "

The texture approaches it's thickest as we enter the chorus/dreamscape from earlier in the song, and when that is finished, the song cuts on it's resolve and morphs into an ghostly reverb filled pair of moans slowly pulsing and dying.

Shiva, or Portacaths Switched A simple, distorted keyboard line characterizes "Shiva." By distorted I don't mean overdriven guitar style distortion, but a misrepresentation of the sound due to holes punched throughout until it barely represents its original self. Soon we are accompanied by guitar, piano, and drums in the cyclical 'three' feel.

"Suddenly every machine stopped at once, and the monitors beeped the last time. Hundreds of thousands of hospital beds, and all of them empty but mine." The sickness finally got the best of us. "The bed was misshaped, and awkward and tall, and clearly intended for you."

"You checked yourself out when you put me to bed, and tore that old band off your wrist. But you came back to see me for a minute or less, and left me your ring in my fist. My hair started growing, my face became yours, my femur was breaking in half. The sensation was scissors too much to scream, so instead, I just started to laugh."

Alone. Not that we weren't before, but now I am.

Wake, or Letting People In There is a reverence to this song. It feels like a hallowed secret. As listener we play the role of the priest in confession. In the distance we hear the choir, but right up to our ear we hear the whisper. Church is an accurate setting as well for this aptly titled tune, because the song has as much to do with waking up as it does with honoring the dead.

"With the door closed, shades drawn, the world shrinks. Let's open up those blinds." That same tunnel vision that keeps one from seeing the situation they are in, eventually closes them off from everything else. "Now that everyone's an enemy, my heart sinks. Let's put away those claws." Because I'm still the one to blame. I ruined everything, and I left. It's my burden. "It was easier to lock the doors and kill the phones than to show my skin, because the hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in." I can apologize for everything that was out of my control. I can take the blame for something that someone else did. I just can't tell you why.

"Well you can come inside, unlock the door, take off your shoes, but this might take all night to explain to you I would have walked out those sliding doors, but the timing never seemed right." It never does, and would you have, really? "When your helicopter came and tried to lift me out, I put it's rope around my neck, and after that you didn't bother with the airlift or the rescue. You knew just what to expect." A true friend won't hang you, and while they'll try to dissuade you, they have to let you hang yourself. "We can't rely on photographs and visitation time, but I just don't know where to begin. I wanna bust down the door if you're willing to forgive. I've got the keys, I'm letting people in." A good friend will also come back, be there when it's time.

The music cuts back to a descending lament piano line with a feedback accompaniment. As we land, the ground feels unstable with low, dark chords, and we are given the morals of the album, a code by which to live, something to remember in troubled and trying times:

"Don't be scared to speak,
Don't speak with someone's tooth,
Don't bargain when you're weak,
Don't take that sharp abuse.
Some patients can't be saved, but that burden's not on you."


The album builds to it's apex on with continuous repeat of the following statement

"Don't ever let anyone tell you you deserve that."

Epilogue, or Sylvia Alive In Nightmares In a recap of "Bear" we take a look at our protagonist after some time has passed. We find that he is haunted by his past with Sylvia. The second verse brings us into a nightmare. "So I lie down against your back, until we're both back in the hospital, but now it's not a cancer ward, we're sleeping in the morgue. Men and women in blue and white they are singing all around you, with heavy shovels holding earth. You're being buried to your neck in that hospital bed, being buried quite alive now. I'm truing to dig you out but all you want is to be buried there together. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing." It never stops.

"I've woken up, I'm in our bed, but there's no breathing body there beside me. Someone must have taken you while I was stuck asleep. But I know better as my eyes adjust, You've been gone for quite awhile now, and I don't work there in the hospital, they had to let me go." Because I could no longer take care of hospice patients, could no longer be a grief mop, no longer pour everything into something that will leave me, and then haunt me."

..."But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep. Your face is up against mine, and I'm too terrified to speak. You're screaming, and cursing, and angry, and hurting me, and then smiling, and crying, and apologizing."

The music runs headlong into a beautifully overdriven and processed guitar line that slowly fades, and ...

There you have it, a precious, and dark, and painful view into the wounded mind of a man in an abusive relationship told through the heroic view of a hospice worker and his patient.

I hope you enjoyed this in depth look at a full album. We're quickly approaching the one year anniversary of suicide watch songs, and with any luck we'll be here again next November with another in depth analysis of a dark album. Please if you have anything to add feel free to comment here, at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net, or at the new forum over at communistdaycarecenter.net/Forum, where I invite you to take your own interpretation of the bonus track from Hospice, "Sylvia, An Introduction"

Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7sinGefeOg

Lyrics: http://theantlershospice.blogspot.com/2008/06/lyrics.html

The Antlers, Hospice - Part I

November may be my favorite month. Fall has set in, it is a heavy time for heavy thought. We need to go deeper at this time of year. There needs to be more substance, more fuel for the fire to power us through. With this thought in mind, this month, and every November from this point on is going to take a look at not but a few measly songs, but a full Suicide Watch Album to be split up among the two post dates. For this inaugural installment we are going to look at the 2009 concept album Hospice by The Antlers

Hospice (Tracks 1-5), by The Antlers


http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=97A3A6DFC91721DA

The above playlist is of the first five songs off of the ten song album. The track titles are as follows:
1. Prologue
2. Kettering
3. Sylvia
4. Atrophy
5. Bear

I attempted to find interesting videos for the playlist. "Sylvia" and "Bear" are both official videos. "Prologue" and "Kettering" are fan made, and apparently no one has made a video yet for my favorite song of this half, "Atrophy"

You can download a PDF of the liner notes for the album direct from the band's website here: http://www.antlersmusic.com/linernotes.pdf  This will help fill in the gaps as I do not plan to disect every lyric on the album.

The Antlers started as a solo project by New Yorker, Peter Silberman. Originally Silberman recorded and released multiple Antlers recordings by himself. In 2007 he started work on Hospice, in the process enlisting help from musicians Michael Lerner and Darby Cicci. Hospice was originally released by the band themselves, and then later picked up and rereleased by Frenchkiss Records. Since that time it has gone on to huge success. Today we will look at the first half of Silberman's concept album opus, Hospice.

1. Prologue What better time to give you some background information but at the prologue. If interpreted as though we trust our narrator, the lyrics decree Hospice as the tale of a the relationship between a hospice worker and his patient . The prologue does so much to help paint this picture. Knowing that we start in a medical setting, doesn't the prologue show us and enhance this image? Those warning bells and beeping monitors are all distorted by the low hum of machines, and echo down those hallways so white and clean while the fluorescent lighting feels like its pulsing and burning into ones head. It's a place so strong, yet so out of place, filled with those so frail, but so certain.

2. Kettering, or Bedside Manner "Kettering" follows our introduction and gives us some exposition regarding our backstory. It starts "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met that unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." A seemingly simple statement, but it can be taken a multitude of ways. What are we being hired for? Is the statement cut and dried, where one is hired for a job, or are we agreeing to something different, some ill-conceived plot, akin to a deal with the devil? What is the debt that our protagonist owed? What exactly is he making up for? 

There is a low oscillating fuzz throughout the entire song, but I always notice it during the line "the singing morphine alarms out of tune keep you sleeping and even..." It is a strong statement only to be flipped in the next verse to "You make me sleep and uneven, and I didn't believe them when they told me that  there was no saving you."  And we wait a moment, to then be plunged into a swirling depth of vocals, chords, drums, and noise, almost as if it took a while for the weight of that particular statement to hit us. The cacophony withdraws, but we are left feeling unresolved, and the song ends with a click, as though an effect was turned off on the recording, or maybe as though someone flipped a lightswitch and walked away.

3. Sylvia, or Sliding Curtains Shining Children's Heads  "Sylvia" starts with more of those distorted, processed tones. At first we are led to believe that they are just noise, ambiance raised to the level of awareness, but the pitches start to change and move. Finally there is a musical cadence and resolution and we are certain that this is harmonic material. What Silberman has done here is crossed that line between the music and the story, causing us to be unsure of where one ends and the other begins.

Our protagonist enters apologizing but uncertain of what he has done wrong. He tells Sylvia "You swing first." As the alarms fade into synth chords he begs "Let me do my job." We are then hit forcefully by the full band, and our protagonist yelling and pleading "Sylvia get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing. Remind me again how everyone betrayed you." We now understand that anger and resentment from Sylvia, and cowering and placation from our protagonist is the normal interaction between these two. The yelling stops, but the music continues. There is some kind of resolution, but there is still all this energy in the air, and then you hear buried beneath it all a hidden melodic phrase echoing and mirroring the chorus, like repeating the argument in your head. A calming verse follows, and then another chorus. After the chorus this time we get the same continuance as before, but this time with a harmonized horn line repeating the argument.

The music breaks apart and we're lost in free time with trickling noises that sound lost somewhere between rain, glass, and snow. The chorus comes back with a whisper and a light strum on the guitar and quietly as it started the song ends.

4. Atrophy, or Rings Ill-fitting is a song of introspection, and in that our protagonist sees that he is making his decisions while walking on eggshells around Sylvia. "You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders. You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders. I've been repeating your speeches, but the audience just doesn't follow. Because I've been leaving out words, punctuation, and it sounds pretty hollow." The audience doesn't get it, they don't understand. Who is this audience? Friends? relatives? It's everyone. Everyone thinks he's crazy for sticking around.
"Little porcelain figurines, glass bullets you shot at the wall. Threats of castration for crimes you imagine when I miss your call." Accusations of things that are so far from the truth. He's willing to do anything you ask, but he must be hurting you in someway, right? "With the bite of the teeth of that ring on my finger, I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer." They're married, and now for the most selfless lyric on the album, the proof of our protagonist's intention, and maybe also an insight into their psyche and why they would remain in such a bad situation "I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself."
The song builds and eventually breaks into a reverbative fuzz. From that we come back once again to the solo singer with acoustic guitar "Someone, oh anyone, tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness. I'm freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her. No one's gonna come as long as I lay in bed beside her. " That's right, our protagonist has to get out of that bed himself. No one will come and help him, and if she is alone, then there is a reason for it.

5. Bear, or Children Become Their Parents Become Their Children In brilliant text painting, "Bear" opens up with an dreamy sounding electric piano playing with the melody of "Twinkle, Twinkle," hiding it just enough to make it not quite the familiar lullaby. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within. He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him. We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know, " I love the juxtaposition of the light, happy music, to the dark emotional subject matter of abortion.

The verse finishes and the full band comes in with the chorus of "We're too old. We're not old at all. Just too old. We're not old at all." Like a difference in perspective. Which one of them feels old? Which doesn't? Are they starting to realize how different they are?

The chorus resolves back to the minimalistic verse. "There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking you for weeks, and if this isn't all a dream, well then we'll cut him from beneath. Well we're not scared of making caves, or finding food for him to eat. We're terrified of one another, terrified of what that means." We're not scared of terminating the pregnancy, or of taking care of the child, we are afraid of being parents, and more so, how the other will parent. "But we'll make only quick decisions, and you'll just keep me in the waiting room, and all the while I'll know we're fucked, and not getting unfucked soon." This is it. This is the event to tear us apart. "When we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before. You sit in front of snowy television, suitcase on the floor." We enter another chorus which builds and builds until...

I know, it's a horrible way to leave off. The final resolution is the first hit of the next track. (That is if you're listening to the album version, the video hits it.) Anywho, I suppose we'll have to wait. Come back on the fifteenth to see what happens, same Suicide Watch, same Suicide channel.

As always, feel free to comment here or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net 

Alone

This installment's song is one of the tunes that made me realize that I really liked sad songs. With a handful of others, when I first heard it many years ago, it reached right in and opened a tap within me that has yet to be shut off. I recently came across what I assume is a demo version of the song on You Tube and immediately decided it must make this installment of Suicide Watch Songs.

"Alone" by Ben Harper from Burn To Shine



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMznBR_gTvY

The version actually from Burn To Shine can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwQVt9PM2ho.
(Note that the background card is the cover for his following studio album Diamonds On The Inside. I am uncertain of the origin of the version I have posted, but would love to find out if anyone knows.) 

"Alone" is a lament, a lament for one's self. It is a desparate cry for help from a man  far gone. The ciclical triplet based time and minor chord progression give one a feel of spiralling down and away. I believe that this demo version fits the material of the song much better than the album version. It's one guy and a guitar. His voice is soft, almost a whisper, and even the tape hiss connotates a guy by himself in a room with a cassette deck. The album version hides so much of what the song is all about. For instance, the instrumentation is so thick that the wailing at the beginning is barely audible, and the polyrhytmic drumbeat pulls away from that spiralling feeling. Besides, it's pretty hard to claim to be alone when you're surrounded by three other dudes.   

"This empty room it fils my mind." Already we are confronted with a staggering reality. It's not just that our protaganist is obsessing over his separation. He views his mind, and himself, as empty as the room he is in. "Freedom, it leaves me confined." The emptiness leaves him with no guide. When one can do anything, where does one start? Our protaganist is so unsure that he is crushed by possibility. "Every single bone has cracked, but in this life you can't turn back." There is no support left. I cannot stand on my own, and there is no way to endure or return. "I don't want to live. I don't want to live here alone." I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how to get there, and I'll never survive on my own.

We continue,  "As these words part with my tounge I question why they're even sung." Our protaganist can no longer determine their reason for doing things. There is no purpose in any action anymore. "I promise but I lie, I don't even know myself inside." No purpose, no goal, no drive, these things make it extremely hard to have a sense of self, which in turn makes it extremely hard to have purpose, goal, and drive. I used to be a person. I used to have these things. What happened?

A slight lyrical change in the chorus to "I don't want to be here alone" brings us to the final verse. "Today and tommorrow have become one." There is unforseen weight in this lyric. It does not imply that the days are strung together and timeless. It implies that tommorrow is going to be just like today, that nothing ever changes, and that attempts to make things better are futile. It's a projection of nothing but emptiness and lonliness to come. "Human nature is a beast, what I've done the most to show I have the least." The quest to be meek has gone to the extreme. To reduce ego, to reject acknowledgement of accomplishment, to appear empty has given way for the need to be empty. Overall this leaves him without the equipment to climb out of the hole by himself.

The final chorus then gets angry. "Please don't leave me here. Don't you leave me alone." It's more of a desparate begging than any kind of demand. The song abruptly ends after that, and we are left to wonder if our protaganist ever made it, or if he's still alone.

As always feel free to comment or leave suggestions either on this blog or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net. Make sure you come back November first for the biggest undertaking this blog has ever undertaken. Faithfull readers, you will not be disappointed.     

Am I Ever Gonna Change?

Ah, a waltz down memory lane. The year is 1993. I am 12 years old. I've been an active listener of music for maybe a year or so at this point, probably less. I am enthralled by rock radio. For a hot minute there is a hit by a band I've never heard of, that bends my ear every time it comes on the air. It's got a violin solo for the intro followed by a big thick rock guitar. I would have immediately noticed the Jimi Hendrix influence, if it weren't for the fact that I didn't start listening to Hendrix for another year and a half or so. The song was "Rest In Peace" of course, by the band Extreme.

I'm not sure where or when I got the album. It was either a birthday or christmas present, as I didn't yet have an allowance with which to buy things. It is titled III Sides To Every Story, and it is broken down into three sections: 'Yours', 'Mine', and 'The Truth'. I absolutely love this album. It is a concept album at the time that I needed a concept album, before I even knew what a concept album was. 'Yours' is a section of heavier songs. Extreme, a band that describes their sound as "Funky Metal", is one of those bands that got known for something that they really weren't. Their big hit was the song "More Than Words," a cheesy rock ballad from the album previous to this one. The song was a double edged sword for the band because it made them popular, but misrepresented them at the same time. It's very hard to sell this album when you mention it to people and their reaction is "You mean that band that did 'More Than Words?'" I'd put money on at least one reader having that reaction right now.

The next section, 'Mine', is a section of those acoustic rock, kind of ballady songs. There are some love songs, and some introspective tunes. If one looks at 'Yours' as being an angry young man shouting at all the injustice he sees, 'Mine' is where he turns introspective and looks at himself and his interpersonal relationships. 'The Truth' is the real payoff of this album. It is the culmination and is a three movement suite called Everything Under The Sun. When I first got this album this final section was my least favorite. I didn't care much for 'Mine' either. I was a kid, into loud guitars. For a time, as I got older, I grew to like the 'Mine' section the best. Now, as a weathered music listener, I like 'The Truth' the best. I love the intertwining ideas, melodic fragments that come together and split apart, reharmonize, and hit one from out of nowhere. The center piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Am I Ever Gonna Change" is an epic and tumultuous look into the the protagonist's turbulent inner workings.

"Am I Ever Gonna Change" by Extreme from III Sides To Every Story


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCv3h34K2kw

The song fades in with a driving beat and a clean echoed guitar. It's a very ordinary, average feel. Everything is ok, we're maintaining, we're getting by ok. But, "I'm tired of being me, and I don't like what I see." Like that second voice in one's head always does, it answers. "I'm not who I appear to be." Continuing is our protagonist's first voice "So I start off every day down on my knees. I will pray for a change in any way, but as the days go by I live through another lie, if it's any wonder why."

Suddenly the song changes. It is instantly darker, heavier both in tone and in content. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? IF SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER IT'S THE SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." There is space between the phrases. Not just in the vocals, but within the rest of the band as well. There is space to let such big questions and bold statements resonate. The song continues in an interlude depicting these ideas wrestling in the mind and then comes back with more of the same questions. There has been no easy resolve of this question. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WILL I ALWAYS STAY THE SAME? IF I SAY ONE THING AND I DO THE OTHER, SAME OLD SONG THAT GOES ON FOREVER." Pause for a moment and really listen to the vocal harmonies in here. They're such a tense chord sitting in the mix the way they do. This band had tremendous vocal power. "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? WELL I'M THE ONLY ONE TO BLAME. IF I THINK I'M RIGHT, I END UP WRONG. IT'S A FUTILE FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG.

We transition out of this dark period and back into the lighter section as we start to grab for answers to this issue. "Please tell me if it's true. Am I too old to start anew? 'Cause that's what I want to do. But time and time again, when I think I can I fall short in the end. So why do I even try? Will it matter when I die? Can anyone hear my cry?"  With this lyric we are plunged back into the darkness. The chorus repeats as it was before. From here we enter another interlude and then a bridge to the song in which we hear a priest speaking in Latin. I read once that he is reading 'The Sermon On The Mount," but I am unable to confirm. (If someone can I would love to know.) This would make sense because the album is laden with religious imagery. Continuing on, we pull into some guitar licks that seem to be battling against the rhythm guitar, and from there into the final chorus with some changes. Notably; "IF I THINK I'M RIGHT I WIND UP WRONG. IT'S A FUCKING FIGHT THAT'S GONE ON TOO LONG." "AM I EVER GONNA CHANGE? I TAKE IT DAY BY DAY. MY WILL IS WEAK AND MY FLESH IS STRONG. PEACE I SEEK 'TILL THY KINGDOM COME."

In exit the song breaks down to the light section and fades into the final piece of Everything Under The Sun, "Who Cares?" That's an apt sentiment. One could interpret the entire album not as a situation as that story with three sides, but as a person. Yours mine and the truth are all facets of a single person. The album climaxes with the person's struggle to find the truth, to know that they are wrong and want to change. Do they make it? Maybe, Maybe not, but tell me "Who Cares?" It doesn't matter if you've changed or not. It doesn't matter if you make a difference. It doesn't matter what you do. Nobody cares.

I urge you all to check this album out. If you are interested in listening to the other sections of Everything Under The Sun here are the links to the first and third parts

"Rise and Shine" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhlcFJynCvY

"Who Cares?" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXOpLiQrAgE

Please feel free to comment, and/or leave suggestions, below, or email me at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net

Wise Up

We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us.

"Wise Up" by Aimee Mann from Music from the motion picture Magnolia 



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTI8ZiopycQ

That is the theme from the movie Magnolia, that we may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us. If you have not seen this movie you need to. It is one of my favorite movies. The soundtrack includes nine songs from singer/songwriter Aimee Mann. One of them, "Save Me" was nominated for the Acadamy Award for Best Original Song, only to lose to the Phil Collins song "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan. (Also nominated that year was "Blame Canada" from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.)

Director Paul Thomas Anderson is known to have been listening to Aimee Mann's music a lot during the writng of the script for Magnolia and even borrowing character ideas and lyrics as lines of dialouge.He also made it a point to integrate the music with the movie. The video posted above is not the music video for the song, well I guess it is, but it also takes place in the movie. Magnolia is pretty overtly split up into three acts, with this song as the closer to the second act. As you can tell, the characters of the ensemble cast are out of sorts just before the third act happens and all hell breaks loose.

The lyrics start out "It's not what you thought when you first began it." The easy interperetation is that "it" is life, but I think the smarter interperetation is 'situation as life.' By this I mean that none of us have any real expectations for life until we have something to lose, or gain. By playing the pronoun game Mann draws us into the song because we automatically transfer our situation onto the the character of the song. This is a case where when the singer says "you" she truly means the listener.

"You got what you want, but you can hardly stand it." Ain't that the rub. Things, outside influences, accomplishments, wants, needs, none of it makes one happier.  "But now you know it's not going to stop. No it's not going to stop until you wise up." A friend of mine is fond of saying that the definition of insanity is doing something the same way multiple times and expecting different results. We run the same behavior patterns over and over again and expect ing us deeper and to be happy, but "it" keeps piling ontop of us, buriying us deeper and deeper, but it's not going to stop.

"You're sure there's a cure," The real solution is always the hardest path. We search so hard to find any way we can to fix the problem, mask the problem, ignore the problem. The problemis ourselves. "You think one drink will sshrink you'till you're underground and living down." Shrink ourselves until we are hidden. Hide the problem, "but it's not gong to stop till you wise up."

After two Verse/Chorus combinations we come to a short bridge that transistions seemlessly into the final chorus. The bridge is an acknowledgement that the path ahead is rough. "Prepare a list of what you need before you sign away the deed, 'cause it's not going to stop 'til you wise up."

Finally we are left with the most important line of the song. Often I write of songs that leave the protaganist lost and wandering, with no solution and their problems ever worsening. This song however gives you the answer. "It's not going to stop, so just give up." It's as simple as that. It's not going to stop, so maybe you should. Just give up. It's pointless. Why play the game if you can't win. Give up. Leave the show. Why not, it's not like it's going to stop.

As always I encourage comments, criticisms, and suggestions either here, or at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net

Guess I'll Forget You

In 1997 The Black Heart Procession was forged in the San Diego music scene. This was the same collection of musicians that produced bands such as Pinback and Three Mile Pilot. The band put out their sixth full length album, aptly titled Six in late 2009. Today we look at "Guess I'll Forget You" from their 2000 release Three

"Guess I'll Forget You" by The Black Heart Procession from Three



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfGxHgysvfg

I first heard The Black Heart Procession two years ago on Christmas Eve. Some friends were over unwinding from the hectic day with their families. I had Pandora Radio running some random channel in the background and eventually it was time to switch stations. A good friend of mine took matters into his own hands and put on The Black Heart Procession. From that moment on I was hooked. The band immediately became one of my favorites.

I have wanted to do a Black Heart Procession song for as long as I have written this blog. I think their music as a whole speaks very well to the subject material of Suicide Watch Songs, and that is why it has been so hard to pick. I've spent a long time listening to the majority of their catalog, analyzing lyrics, hemming, and hawing about which song to pick. "Guess I'll Forget You" stood out as an early front-runner, and throughout the selection process it became the measuring stick to which I was holding up other songs. I knew it was worthy, but I couldn't figure out why it made a good Suicide Watch Song. Then it hit me, very similarly to the way Sparklehorse's "It's A Wonderful Life" hit me.

When I pick a song for SWS, I attempt to look for songs that are based on the individual. I don't like to go for songs where the depression is based on an event, or due to another person. I especially try to avoid songs of heartbreak. While certainly heartbreak can and does often throw one into depression, the depth of depression that I like to explore is inherent on a personal level. It is the metaphorical powder keg that needs an event to catalyst it's explosion. In other words, I want to explore the tragic, flawed psyche, not the damaged, working through it psyche. We could also refer to this as the 'No "I Want To Know What Love Is" Rule.'

Then why "Guess I'll Forget You?" It is quite obviously about split relations. Am I not breaking my own rule? No, listen to the protagonist. He's so meek and withdrawn. There is no fight left. He doesn't believe he can get his relationship back because he doesn't believe that he is lovable. The split was inevitable. He doesn't cry out. He doesn't fight back. There is no 'come back,' no 'I can change,' just 'I'm going to step aside now. I'll try and forget you.'

The first lyric is "Now you know there's no light on the way," Our character feels as though the truth has been found out about him. His darker insides have been revealed. He's saying 'Now you can see the real me, and that there is nothing to the real me. I am hollow. I am shallow. I will hurt you, and this is for the best.' The next verse begins with a similar lyric, but deepens the metaphor, "Now they say there's no light in the caves. We all know that there's no way out." The depths are too big. Even if you wanted me to climb out. Even if you were to offer your help, there is no way out of this. I am too far gone. I will drag you down with me.

Lyrically the bridge consists of one short line "but before I go I must say that in my heart you'll always be found, always." Our protagonist will forever be burdened with this memories. He will never forget no matter how much he tries.

The Black Heart Procession are masters at building incredible soundscapes. Their music tends to move at a slow dirge, and it is drenched in just the right amount of reverb and echo to make you feel like you're nowhere. Am I in a cave? No, am I in a cathedral? No, I'm just kind of nowhere, being enveloped by this sound. Their tone production makes me feel like I'm watching TV with Vaseline on the screen. When something onscreen is prominent it comes to the front of the shot. One can make out what the image is supposed to be, yet the edges are still fuzzy. The background remains vague, but present. "Guess I'll Forget You" is a perfect example of this. Listen to the way the guitar and organ interplay with the melody. The fading echos of the backbeat trail off, getting quieter and eventually fade like a memory into nothing. The soundscape is vast, but so sparse. It's big sky country; it's impressive because its so full of nothing, well, things so big they seem like nothing.

The saddest part is that the protagonist is causing this. There is never a mention of I'm sorry. There's never a movement towards reconciliation. It's self sabotage. There is no reason that things have to end, but our character decides that leaving, and forgetting, something he admits he'll never be able to do, is the best solution.

As always feel free to comment here, or email me at suicidesongs@communistdaycarecenter.net